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The Night Before Christmas


Blackguard
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T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Cordelia was planning for another to find a spouse.;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Darlene's guests soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While nighttime trysts filled the courtiers' heads;
And mamma in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap,
Couldn't imagine Nicolette gracing His Majesty's lap.,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Cadell had arrived to discuss a spousal matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
To see Langdon chase a villain in a dash..
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
As Cambray and Dorset fought moving their eyes below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Louis admiring himself in the mirror.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew Victorine had arrived in London just for a kick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
Had John arrived from the colonies seeking his fame.;
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Blitzen!
It is hard to tell whether Anne or Sophia is the bigger vixen.
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Blount and Hardwick plot to prevent a Habersham fall.
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
Kingston and Chatham weigh what merry boasts to buy.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
As missteps left Davina to wonder what to do.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
That James was inspired by Andraemon's hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Caroline waited uneasily until she and George were bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
As Blount sought to ensure that he and Ursula were gut.
A bundle of toys the King had flung on his back,
Awarding special courtiers puppies from his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
Hiding the libertine mantle he preferred to carry.
Cumberland's droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
Confident that Beverley was ever ready to go.
And the smoke it encircled London like a wreath;

While a bevy of intrigues lurked beneath.
Chatham went straight to his work
Easing Ormonde's concern about libertine rumors that lurk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
Langdon reveals to Darlene that there are thorns to his rose;
Ranelagh sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
As he and Nicolette shared something of a sizzle,
But I heard Buckingham exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!

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