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The Night Before Christmas


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T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Cordelia was planning for another to find a spouse.;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Darlene's guests soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While nighttime trysts filled the courtiers' heads;
And mamma in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap,
Couldn't imagine Nicolette gracing His Majesty's lap.,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Cadell had arrived to discuss a spousal matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
To see Langdon chase a villain in a dash..
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
As Cambray and Dorset fought moving their eyes below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Louis admiring himself in the mirror.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew Victorine had arrived in London just for a kick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
Had John arrived from the colonies seeking his fame.;
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Blitzen!
It is hard to tell whether Anne or Sophia is the bigger vixen.
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Blount and Hardwick plot to prevent a Habersham fall.
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
Kingston and Chatham weigh what merry boasts to buy.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
As missteps left Davina to wonder what to do.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
That James was inspired by Andraemon's hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Caroline waited uneasily until she and George were bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
As Blount sought to ensure that he and Ursula were gut.
A bundle of toys the King had flung on his back,
Awarding special courtiers puppies from his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
Hiding the libertine mantle he preferred to carry.
Cumberland's droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
Confident that Beverley was ever ready to go.
And the smoke it encircled London like a wreath;

While a bevy of intrigues lurked beneath.
Chatham went straight to his work
Easing Ormonde's concern about libertine rumors that lurk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
Langdon reveals to Darlene that there are thorns to his rose;
Ranelagh sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
As he and Nicolette shared something of a sizzle,
But I heard Buckingham exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!

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  • 11 months later...

Alright, B, I give you this thing:


Twas the night before Christmas and all through the palace

The Merry Gang was thinking up new names for the phallus

Stocking were hung up on chairs or on floors

Because the ladies were busy with handling more


Langdon was going from his duty to bed

The words of the King rang in his head

Henry was busy setting up his scope

To find something amazing and new, he did hope

James was brooding with each bloody stanza

Darlene was plotting some new extravaganza


Out in the courtyard there arose such a clatter

That Douglas decided to see what was the matter

WIndows were opened, too curious, it’s true

Caroline and George leaned out for a better view


The moon on the breast of a full plumaged peacock

Gave Mountjoy a single moment of shock

When what to Cadell’s eyes should appear

But a shiny red sleigh and…wait, are those deer?

With a driver well known to all who looked upon

The King, dressed in red, with a red sleeping cap on?


More rapid than coursers to his call they came

While he whistled and shouted and called them by name

“Now Norfolk, and Beverly. Come Lindsey and Finch!

Brooke and Basildon, Arlington, you’ll do in a pinch!

No time for politics, it’s time for some fun!

For our dear Queen Caroline has given us a son!”


As dry leaves before a wild Scotswoman fly

Cat noticed the gathering and let out a sigh

So down to the ballroom, Anne-Elizabeth flew

As the party got started, fun began to ensue


With a voice filled with joy, an aria rose from the side

There stood Sophia, her soprano did rise

Cordelia was looking for people to match

While Rochester just gave his ass a good scratch


Chatham and Silverbridge, the ladies they did admire

While Eleanor stayed nice and warm by the fire

Davina circulated and Nicci stayed by Buckingham

His ‘cousin’ Kingston nearby and then there was a BAM!


The King stood on the dais, his eyes they did twinkle

Who cared if his face had the start of some wrinkles

All could hear him exclaim as on his feet he was light,

“Happy Christmas to all, and let’s party tonight!”

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Same from me, and now here are the Windsor lyrics to It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas:


It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Take a look at Windsor again, as the couriers grin
With intrigues ready to sow

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
In shadows dangers lurk
For a good room you must see the one called Beverley
As the sheets slander Kirke.

A pair of lords that are true, and give ladies their due
Is the wish of Cat and Darlene
Ladies to catch in an advantageous match
For which Cordelia, Henry and Doug are keen
And Eleanor and Nicci are looking to be seen.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere things are hid
There are murders to count and a mystery for Blount
And a Major sorry for the things he did.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Cat is wishing one dead

Davina dug a hole and now must be a mole
As George and Caroline are set to wed.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
The Merry Gang will grow
James has an epic to read and Anne a lord to breed
And Cadell is on the go.

Sure, it's Christmas once more

Here is the song to sing along:


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