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Broadsheet: London made a Safer Place

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On the Fifteenth of April the notorious criminal Trevor Firth, who operated under the alias' Books, renown for dissolute lifestyle and having managed to escape the hands of the Law for 2 years now while being wanted upon the charges of Extortion of the Crown, Forgery of Customs office officers to the procurement of illegally imported goods, Bribery of defensless widows, and common thief to the estimated grand total upwards of ten thousand pounds; met his match.

 

The immaculate defender of god and women, Reverend William Whitaker, despatched the man to meet his maker, who no doubt will now face eternity in the pits of hell. The royal Police force of Londonderry give thanks to the Reverend for his quick thinking in cornering the man, and dispatching him forthwith, before he managed to thieve the fortunes of many nobles from the safe keeping of Higgins & Hoare's

 

This reporter was requested to note by Mr Philips, that at no time was the vault breeched, and that citizens and gentry alike need have no fear that their assets were at any time in danger. This Reporter however feels some anxious hope that the rumoured new Bank of England is more than mere hearsay; for we canot depend upon Reverend Whitaker being our fortunes hero at every turn.

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