One Stitch At A Time | Sunday September 18th, afternoon

[Sophia de la Cerda]

The Toledo Residence

 

Sophia sat in the drawing room by the window, working on her embroidery. She had asked Esteban to join her at his convenience. The petite Countess made quite a pretty picture with the light filtering through the glass gilding the highlights in her white blonde hair and a serene smile on her face.  She was dressed in one of the gowns that Ellen Doolittle had designed for her.  Her belly was so large that it nearly touched the frame of her embroidery stand. 

 

As she carefully sewed yellow French knots in the center of a pink satin-stitched flower, she hummed softly.   The baby was quiet, as he or she usually was when Sophia sang.  When her husband arrived, she believed that he would be pleased that she was resting. 

 

[Blackguard]

Her husband moved into the room rather briskly, but his speed slowed as he surveyed the scene.  He had been afraid that she was in some form of distress.  He sighed finding it was otherwise.

"All is calm I see," he observed softly as he moved into the room and took a seat near her.  "Is something amiss?  I heard that you wished to speak with me."

[Sophia de la Cerda]

Hearing footsteps approaching from the hallway, Sophia stuck the needle in the fabric and turned toward the door. Esteban seemed to be in quite a hurry. She doubted that he was that eager to see her. Maybe he thought she might be in labor. Though his concern was touching, it irritated her somewhat, as did his greeting.

 

Forcing herself to remain calm, she chuckled. “Does something have to be wrong when I wish to speak to you? Can we not have a pleasant conversation like other married couples? I know you are busy with your duties but I have seen little of you since the season began. I am pleased to see that you are well.”

 

Sophia resumed her embroidery. “Have you heard from Juan? Has he sent any message to me?"

[Blackguard]

"Yes, of course," esteban agreed warily.  He was already learning that when a wife says she just wants a pleasant conversation, it is likely a precursor for a large request for something.  Nevertheless, he sat back in his chair and readied himself for a pleasant conversation.

"I am still waiting on a letter from him," he replied carefully, concealing the fact that Don Juan had indicated a desire to visit the King of England at Windsor and be present for the birth of his own child with Sophia.  He had asked Toledo to keep the fact secret while he tried to see whether he might be able to escape Madrid for the trip.

"How are you feeling wife?" he asked with courtesy.  "I have sent for a Spanish midwife to examine you and be with you until birth.  She should be arriving any day now.  I pray she arrives before the child does." 

[Sophia de la Cerda]

Sophia sensed her husband’s caution, which contributed to her frustration. She understood why he stayed away from her bed, but why did they have to be so emotionally distant? When they had walked on the beach at Brighton before they were married, she had thought that they would at least become friends. She had hoped that they would have long intelligent discussions, laugh together, and conspire with each other. She could have supported him in his endeavors to improve relations between Spain and England if he had just confided in her.

 

There had been a few occasions when he seemed to genuinely enjoy her company, but those were few and far between. Like she had told Darlene, she was trying to be a good wife but he had no interest in becoming a good husband. No matter what he told her, she was fairly sure that he had married her to gain favor with Juan so he would be appointed Ambassador to England. Now that he held the position to which he had aspired, she was no more use to him.

 

Sophia sighed when he said he had not yet heard from her beloved Prince. She had corresponded with him during recess, but lately he had been silent. “I hope you receive one soon. I am beginning to worry about him.”

 

He asked how she was feeling and then dropped the news that he was hiring a Spanish midwife. She supposed a tantrum would be in order when the woman arrived, so that she would be dismissed in favor of a midwife who would help her with the predicament she found herself in, assuming that either Arundel or Anna was able to find one. It might also be prudent to keep refusing candidates until her time was so near that Esteban would hire her choice out of desperation.

 

“I am doing well and so is the baby. He is very active. Walking helps calm him, as does my singing.” She grinned. “And don’t worry. The midwife will arrive in plenty of time.” And there will be plenty of time to send her back where she came from. “I still have nearly two months to go.”

 

Sophia stopped stitching and turned toward Esteban. “I think I want to become Catholic.”

[Blackguard]

Sophia seemed to be in thought.  It was hard for Esteban to know what was going on in that young pretty head of hers.

"Worry not  about His Highness," her husband assured her.  "The grandees at court are no match for him."

Pleased that she seemed fine with a Spanish wet nurse, Esteban grimaced inwardly at her thought that she still had a month or two.  He had heard from doctors that she might deliver prematurely.

The largest surprise came when she announced a desire to convert to Catholicism.  Sophia would note the surprise on his face.  "That is excellent," he complimented.  He had spoken to the priest at the Queen's Chapel and he had said that Sophia had not sought him out.  Esteban had found that surprising because Sophia seemed to enjoy visiting the chapel.  "Who or what has has convinced you?"

[Sophia de la Cerda]

Sophia worried about Juan all the time. He meant the world to her and she couldn’t bear it if anything horrid befell him. She could never forget that assassination attempt at Brighton. He had enemies everywhere, probably here in England too. An interesting notion popped into her mind. Hmmmm … something to ponder later.

 

The surprise on Esteban’s face was priceless. She had known that this news would please him. “A lot of prayer and soul-searching,” she replied. Sophia decided not to tell him that she had discussed the matter with friends. Or that she was tired of his priest pressuring her about it. He might not approve of either. It was strange how little she knew about her own husband.

 

“I think it is best that I share the beliefs of my child and I know that he or she will be raised Catholic. I still plan to attend Protestant services, though. A lot of Catholics do because it is an excellent place to make connections and renew acquaintances. Perhaps I shall speak to someone there who might be useful to you. Or you can tell me to approach a certain courtier and I will do so.”

[Blackguard]

"That is very astute of you," Esteban complimented.  "So, it shall be our child that is responsible for saving your soul."  It was ironic.  He called the babe their child because he was to raise it as the father, even though he knew it to be Juan's child.  "When would you like to be instructed into the ways of the Church and the obligations of the true faith?" he inquired softly.  "You must attend Protestant services as an observer only, and after a private mass," he counseled, "so the primary faith is in your heart."  He offered her a satisfied smile.  "Perhaps you might like to lay down?" he asked in his normal over-protective way.

[Sophia de la Cerda]

It’s not yours, Sophia thought, and then immediately felt guilty. Esteban was giving up the possibility of having a child of his own to raise the child of his master … or, more likely, the child of an English Earl. That must be as difficult as the choice she might be facing: to give up her own baby to raise somebody else’s, assuming that a suitable infant could be found. He had gotten the position that he wanted, but it came at a cost. She doubted that he would have married her if Juan had not dangled said position in front of his face. And now he would be living with a lady he cared so little for that he rarely spoke a word to her.

 

His demeanor seemed to thaw at least a little at the ides of her becoming Catholic. He even smiled, which was rare for him. He’s quite handsome when he smiles. I wish I could make him do it more often.

 

“Before the baby is born,” she responded. “I should like it all settled by the time it arrives. When it looks at me for the first time, I want it to see a Catholic mother.” The baby wouldn’t care, of course, but he might wonder about it when he got older. She was German, after all, and Germans were primarily Protestants.

 

Sophia already attended church as an observer. It wasn’t as if she paid attention to anything but the singing. “You hold mass early, do you not? I shall join you.” She rose every day before dawn and the time didn't really matter to her. Confession was one thing she disliked about Catholicism, but if it was expected of her, she would just bore the poor priest with nonsensical things until he encouraged her not to come anymore.

 

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. “No, I do not want to lie down. Embroidery is more relaxing than staring at the ceiling. There's nothing to look at up there.  Or even any cracks to count.  And there are a few more things I would like to discuss with you. Anna has asked me if she can go back to London to be with a friend who is going through a hard time. She has been distracted since she found out and I can tell how concerned she is. One of the other servants can attend me while she is gone. Do you mind if I tell her that she can leave tomorrow morning?”

 

[Blackguard]

Was Sophia starting to understand the sacrifice of her husband in this?  Did she yet recognize the duty he showed his master?  Was it driven purely for greed?  How well did she really understand her husband.  Like many young ladies, it was difficult to look past one's own interests and tribulations.

"I agree, best to have the conversion prior to birth.  Why not here in Windsor?" Esteban suggested.  "Which priest would you like to preside?"  He preferred his Spanish confessor, but it was important to the convert that they be guided by one they trusted the most.

Again she refused to lay down and rest.  "What if I have the men put a painting on the ceiling above your bed so that you can stare at it?" he jested.  "Or perhaps a mirror?"  What beautiful lady would not stare lovingly into a mirror for hours?

As for Anna, Esteban waved his hand.  "Of course.  Maria will see to your needs while Anna is gone."  His sister had been itching to have something more to do.

[Sophia de la Cerda]

Unless they waited until Sophia was out of confinement and the baby was old enough to travel, the conversion would have to be held in Windsor. “Your priest will do. I have spoken to no other, not even the priest at the Queen’s Chapel. The only counsel I needed was God’s, which is why I spent so much time in prayer.  I would prefer that it be private and take place here in this house. The way things are now, it would be foolish to proclaim to the world that I am becoming Catholic.” She sighed wistfully. “I wish Juan could be here for it, though.” He would be so proud of her and maybe she could convince him to stay until the baby was born.

 

Esteban’s suggestion was met with a bright smile. “Will you hire some artists to paint the ceiling in my confinement chamber with so many beautiful images that I will never tire of looking at them and will always be able to find something new in them? Like the one in the Banquet Hall in London?” Her big blue eyes met his. “Please?”

 

Sophia was glad that he was willing to let Anna go. She and her maidservant had concocted the story of a friend in need to hide the true reason for her absence. Anna would be searching for a midwife who would be willing to help her with her dilemma. Preferably either Anna or Henry would find one who was experienced in these delicate situations. Her maid would also be looking for a woman who was willing to sell her unborn child in case a baby switch was the only option.

 

Unfortunately, she would have to deal with another spy, for she was certain Maria would tell her brother about everything she did. Sophia often went out without Anna, so she didn’t have to take her sister-in-law with her all the time. “Are you sure she won’t mind? She is a lady, not a maidservant.”

 

Finished with the flower, she pulled the pink thread from the head of the needle and replaced it with green. “Do you remember Lord Melville? I saw him at church today and he sends you his regards. He also told me to ask you if you would like to have a drink with him. His lady wife passed away recently and I think he could use some cheering up. And he speaks Spanish, you know.”

 

[Blackguard]

"Splendid," Esteban responded.  "Father Gregory will preside."  Sophia would know that Esteban's previous confessor had grown ill and returned to southern Spain to finish his days.  Father Gregory was a Spaniard that supported Don Juan's ascension and had been recommended by Juan early in the year.

As for the painting, Esteban shook his head. "We are only renting this house my wife.  We cannot paint their ceiling; but, I can mount a landscape of your choice on the ceiling for you to stare at," he offered.

"I love my sister," her husband said quietly.  "With her affliction, she cannot marry, so she is happy to be a governess to our children, and to help where she can."  Maria had considered becoming a nun but had thought that her brother needed her more than the Church.  "It will give her something to do to follow you about the castle.  She would just stay inside otherwise."

As for Melville, Toledo nodded.  "Si, I remember the Scotsman.  You may have him call upon me Tuesday morning.  I have some leisure then."

[Sophia de la Cerda]

“We can still have the ceiling painted, Esteban. We’ll just have to paint over it before we leave. Maybe the owners will like it so much that they will want to keep it.” Sophia sighed. “But if you think it unwise, I would like to have a different painting to look at every day so I will never be bored.”

 

At least her husband had a soft spot for somebody even if it wasn’t her. She saw no reason why Maria could not marry. There was nothing wrong with her mind and some gentlemen didn’t like talkative wives. Thanks to a book about hand signs for the mute that she had bought her sister-in-law, she could now communicate without writing everything down. Sophia had learned the signs with her and it was the way she preferred to ‘talk’ to her.*

 

“Then I will be happy to have her attend me. And she will be a wonderful governess when the time comes.” Her children, who would be taught Spanish, German, English, and Italian from the cradle, could also learn the signs so that they could interact with deaf and mute people.

 

“I doubt I will see Lord Melville before Tuesday. I can write him, but I think it would be better if the note comes from you.” Sophia often found herself giving Esteban advice when it came to social situations. Maybe that was another reason he had married her. She definitely threw excellent parties.

 

She began to backstitch the outline of a leaf. “Ellen Doolittle designed the gown I’m wearing today and she offered to design a christening gown for my child. Do you mind, or is there an heirloom gown in either Juan’s family or yours that the two of you would prefer the baby to wear during the ceremony?”

 

 

*This took place in Sophia’s recess post before the spring season.

[Blackguard]

"I think we post  an existing painting," Esteban replied, surprised at her idea.  "What painter worth his salt would paint a beautiful scene on the ceiling of an ordinary house, and under the threat of it being covered with white paint later?  A student perhaps."  He looked about the room for the paintings.  "We can rotate the paintings.  The men will attach the paintings with wire and change them daily if you insist ... but, this is being done so that you will lay down more often," he reminded her.

"I will write Melville," Toledo noted to himself.  It was an odd request to cheer a Scotsman, but he was a lord and each English lord was useful to Spain.

"I do not think Maria's christening gown is still kept by my lady mother.  Best, you design one, or the Doolittle sister," he offered.  "Have the Toledo coat of arms woven, as well as the flag of Espana."

[Sophia de la Cerda]

“They must be new paintings,” she insisted, following his gaze. “I have looked at these so often I know everything in them by heart.” Most of the time, Sophia read, sketched, sang, or embroidered in bed, but even all that sometimes became tiresome. No matter how much she tried to avoid it, there was going to come a time when almost all she could do was lie down, and she wanted to be ready for it. Until then, she would continue her walks and visits to friends.

 

“And perhaps falling asleep looking at paintings will prevent those awful nightmares.” Sophia shivered. She’d had two of them so far this season, and she had woken up screaming at the top of her lungs. It had taken her a long time to fall back asleep.

 

Esteban saw the wisdom of her request and agreed to write Lord Melville. “Very well, I shall have Mistress Doolittle design one," she said of the christening gown.  "I will include my family’s coat of arms as well. I think his mother’s heritage should be represented too.”

 

It seemed to Sophia that this conversation was nothing but a series of questions from her and answers from him. “I saw Master Staggins at church today too. Apparently Master Killigrew told him about the play you were planning last season and he offered to compose the music. Have you given up that idea or is it something you still want to pursue after my baby is born?” Perhaps it was immature, but the young Countess took every opportunity to call the baby ‘mine’ instead of ‘ours.’

[Blackguard]

Esteban had been trying to accommodate Sophia because he was, at heart, a kind and enlightened man.  Yet, Sophia was starting to test his patience.  It was not she who had the say in the household.  The multiple references to her child seemed intentional and down to belittle him.  At least that was how he was coming to see things.  Sophia would see a dark cloud pass over his face at her last cutting remark.  It was a strategy that she would learn to abandon as she became older and wiser.

"No, they must not be new paintings."  He glared at her so she might understand his criticism.  "I fear I have been too indulgent with you, wife.  Perhaps this pregnancy has given birth to a streak of rebellion.  I am prepared to overlook it on occasion, but let me be clear."  He paused a moment to allow his growing anger to subside.  "I am coming close to confining you to your room and bed for the rest of your pregnancy.  You will not set conditions on doing the correct thing for the health of our child, for it shall be raised as such.  His Highness will see to it that the child has everything, but dares not acknowledge it publicly.  Spain is not the merry court of King Charles.  It would bring shame upon our house and put the child's life at risk.  The Queen would see the child dead, rather than a pretender to the throne.  One day, the child will gain its true birthright, but only when the time is opportune and child safe."  He was finally revealing the plans to Sophia.

"But this child will have no birthright, nor opportunity, if you lose it due to childish dismissal of medical science.  His Highness may have no second chance to remedy a loss that you and I could have avoided with prudence.  The world would never be the same," he added with emotion.  Juan was like a god to Esteban.  Had not Sophia seen the glimmer in his eyes when Don Juan's name arose.  Never was there a more faithful servant. Sophia's barbs had drawn his ire ... and the truth.

[Sophia de la Cerda]

She had pushed him too far.

 

She could see it in his eyes.

 

Sophia tried to remain calm throughout Esteban’s tirade. It was nearly impossible at first but what he said about the child she carried being recognized as Juan’s when it was safe to do so caught her interest. She had thought that Juan would play the role of a doting uncle in his son’s or daughter’s life and never claim him or her as his own. It made sense that he would not want his child to be a bastard like he was, which she had always believed was the main reason he had wanted her to marry Esteban.

 

What struck her most was her husband's acknowledgment that there might not be another chance for Juan to have a child. Did he know that this baby wasn’t the Prince’s? Had he been avoiding her bed in order to push her into an affair that would make her pregnant because he suspected that Juan could not father children of his own? Sophia had always known that he worshiped his master and only showed emotion when speaking of him. Esteban would do anything for Juan, including using duplicity to ensure he had the child he longed for.

 

Though she already understood how much Esteban was giving up for Juan, she realized for the first time that he was sacrificing his entire life for the Prince. His very existence belonged to his master, and she wouldn’t be surprised if he killed himself if Juan died, believing he had nothing more to live for. She felt sorry for him, though a spark of anger still burned within her soul.

 

Attempting to control it, Sophia stuck her needle hard into the fabric and clenched her fists at her side. “And what will you tell His Highness when I lose the baby because you locked me up? Do you think that won’t upset me? It is upsetting me now and we both know that that is not good for the child. I would be screaming at you if I was not so determined to keep my temper in check. It’s becoming more daunting by the day to remain serene when I know you are spying on me through Karl.”

 

She stood up and began to pace. The baby had apparently awakened from his nap. “You think I don’t know about that? I’ve known ever since we wed. The other day he stormed into the music room and interrupted me while I was playing for Lord Arundel. Did you put him up to that? Did you think that he would catch us locked in an embrace? Or do you fear I’m selling Spanish secrets? I don’t even know any Spanish secrets. How could I when you never even speak to me?”

 

Sophia stopped in front of her husband. “If you want to make certain that I don’t lose the baby, then the spying must STOP! NOW! I appreciate Karl’s protection but not his constant scrutiny. You know I value freedom and trust, and you give me neither.”

 

Taking a deep breath, she went back to her bench. “Buying new paintings to keep me occupied while in confinement will be beneficial to the child, but if you want to be stubborn about it, go ahead.  I will not risk this child's life for something so trivial."

 

Her voice softened. “I am curious about Juan’s plans for the child. He is going to acknowledge it as his own when the Queen dies? Will it be aware of its true paternity? A girl will probably look more like me but a boy will not look at all like you. He may become suspicious when he’s old enough to notice. And why do you think that this is Juan’s only chance to become a father? Why can I not give him many more children? I am only seventeen and have many more childbearing years ahead of me.”

[Blackguard]

Now Sophia was getting angry.  Esteban could only explain it because she was so young.  Too young.

"You know why noblewomen go into confinement so early?  It is to protect the child.  This is something you should have been taught.  I fear the absence of your mother is being sorely felt," he explained.  "You need an older woman to teach you about pregnancy and how to maximize the chance of a live birth."  He was trying to keep a calm demeanor.   "Do you think the Queen was allowed to go about and about  and risk falling and injuring the child and the King's heir?"   It was a rhetorical question.  "No, she was watched every minute and protected from any potential physical interaction.  She stayed in bed and was waited on by a horde of ladies and servants."  He paused for her to understand.

"You, in contrast, slip away from your servant and your protector.  Karl has had to chase after you regularly.  You have decided instead to walk everywhere and physically exert yourself.  Anyone can bump into you.  Any animal is free to attack you.  Some crazy peasant could accost you.  You need Karl there to protect you.  He is to stop you from physical harm and to carry you back if you injure yourself.  He cannot do this if you try and sneak away.  You jeopardize the child in a way that the Queen would never have.  The child would benefit from your rest.  We cannot take a chance with its life under the theory that you are young and could have many more.  Would King Charles feel as reckless with Queen Karoline's pregnancy?  I think not."

"You will keep Karl with you at all times, or you need to stay home.  You are not a 14 year old girl any more.  You are a Countessa and carrying a royal child.  You need tio start acting like it," he insisted.

As to Sophia's questions, he responded softly "I do not care if the boy looks like me.  If he looks like Don Juan, that is fine.  The same for a girl.  As long as our child looks Spanish, no one will care or notice.  To the English, all Spanish children look the same, though ours may be lighter-skinned somewhat."  As for Juan's limited time to have a child, Esteban noted "the Prince is not a young man.  None of his seed has borne fruit in the past, so it is a miracle of sorts.  There may be no second miracle," he stated solemnly.   "If the child survives, His Highness plans to bequeath it many properties."

[Sophia de la Cerda]

Sophia fought the urge to roll her eyes while Esteban continued to rant about what he considered her irresponsible behavior. He was never happy with anything she did. Even her magnificent performance in the opera last Christmas had infuriated him. He had never told her that she had sung well. Instead he had complained that she had ruined his honor by the sensual way she had portrayed Diana. And now he was accusing her of intentionally harming the little life inside her! How could he believe that she would hurt the child she already loved with all her heart?

 

“The absence of my mother is always sorely felt,” she whispered, a sad note in her lyrical voice before raising it in ire. “I am every bit as careful as Her Majesty was. You just refuse to see it. Did it ever occur to you that the reason I sneak away is because that is the only time that I am not SPIED ON? The King doesn’t spy on the Queen or she would probably sneak away as well.  Like I just said, I don’t object to being protected, but I don’t think that everything I do should be reported back to you. Everyone needs privacy, you know. And it is not a nice feeling to know that your own husband doesn’t trust you. Don Juan would not condone you treating me like this!"

 

Sophia truly believed that Karl was relaying to Esteban everything she did and everyone she spoke to, but she had no actual proof, other than Anna telling her that he was suspicious of Lord Chatham. It wasn’t a bodyguard’s place to be suspicious or to report his charge’s every move to his employer. He had to be spying on her at Esteban’s instruction.

 

“You also seem to have forgotten that an expectant mother’s emotional state is as important to a successful birth as her physical state. Everyone is different. Some ladies are content to lie in bed all day. Others, including myself, become extremely distressed when forced to remain idle. I am not going to fight going into confinement, but until I do, it is better for me to remain active within reason. I am not the Queen. I don’t have ladies to entertain me every minute of the day. A dear friend has promised to visit, but I doubt that anyone else will. As I will give birth during recess, my friends will be scattered across the country.”

 

As to their child’s appearance: “What if the child has my coloring? It could happen. Everyone in my family has fair skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes. There is a gallery in the castle I grew up in with portraits of my ancestors hanging on the walls, and my father used to tell my stepmother that if they had a child, it would be impossible to tell that it was half-Italian because it would have the Albrecht looks. I hope it does look like Juan, though.”

 

If the child was Henry’s, she doubted that it would be blonde, but it would certainly have light skin and blue eyes.

 

“Does His Highness plan to legitimatize the child when it’s safe to do so?”

 

[Blackguard]

"If you do not think the Queen is watched every moment she is outside her chambers, you are naive Sophia," replied with certainty.  It was his turn to fight an eye roll.    "When you protect someone, it does not mean you are spying on them.  Children enjoy escaping their protectors.  Adults do not.  All it takes is one accident or one villain to ruin you and the child.  I am exercising restraint to let you wander about without two soldiers flanking you at all times.  Karl is more like a servant so you do not have to explain soldiers accompanying you."  Perhaps she was too young to understand.

She made the point about her well-being tied to emotion.  "Everything needs a balance so you do not harm the child.  It is why I do not object to you going out and about.  Karl gives you privacy in the chapel and in places intended for ladies only, where you seem safe and in female company.  So, you do have privacy at times where the threat does not exist.  In return, you will bear the company of a man who will protect you with his life.  We all make sacrifices wife.  Yours must be to endure to ensure your safety and health.  It is little to ask and I shall not be dissuaded," Esteban stated.  I will not explain to His Highness that you were attacked by a rabid dog and had no one to protect you because you did not like having a protector."

As Sophia spoke of the child's appearance, her husband leaned back and had little to say in response.  "We shall see."

The plans for possibly legitimizing the child were not complete.  "We will learn more in time."

[Sophia de la Cerda]

“I know that guards follow the Queen wherever she goes but they don’t report everything she does back to the King. He gives her the privacy she needs.” Sophia’s understanding of royalty was romanticized and bore little resemblance to reality. It had never occurred to her that the Queen was spied upon all the time, maybe not by her spouse but certainly by those whose job it was to gather information for other countries. There might even be a spy among her ladies-in-waiting. She was also never left alone and would probably envy the amount of freedom that Sophia had and constantly complained about.

 

Sophia picked up her needle and continued her embroidery. “Not only children sneak away, The King sometimes disguises himself as a commoner. Everyone knows who he is but they respect his wish for anonymity. I would rather be accompanied by soldiers than by Karl. I do not trust him and would not be surprised if he makes things up about me so that you will be pleased with him and increase his pay. I have not slipped away from him at all this season. If he has told you otherwise, then he is lying.”

 

She was pleased that he agreed that her emotional well-being was important to the survival of the baby, but he was more naive than she was if he believed that ladies couldn’t harm her. A woman could poison her tea or grab a knife and stab her to death, not that any of her friends would do so and they were the only ladies she visited or invited over. She wasn’t safe in a chapel either. A madman could be hiding inside just waiting to kill whomever walked through the door. Sophia shivered and pushed those paranoid thoughts out of her mind.

 

“Now you are putting words in my mouth, husband. I never told you that I did not want to be protected. I said I did not like being spied upon and I know that you have instructed Karl to tell you who I speak to and what I do. If you want to know those things, you should ask me yourself. I keep no secrets from you.” If Sophia was not such a skilled actress, the lies would not have flowed so easily and believably from her lips.

 

“It feels as if you are trying to find fault with me because you don't believe I am good enough for His Highness."

[Blackguard]

"The Queen is watched every moment, but you may be correct tat not ever minute are her actions reported to the King," Esteban replied.  "They report on events that are out of the ordinary.  The same is true for Karl.  He gives reports that do not include your routine daily activities.  If he perceives danger, a risk, or a health issue with you, I expect to be warned, as any husband who cares for his wife," he added.  "What is it you fear he is telling me?  What activities are you wanting me to be ignorant of?" he asked quietly and calmly, brown eyes studying her own.

"The King can pose as a commoner and bandy about freely.  No one controls him.  If the Queen were to attempt it, do you think it would ever be permitted again?  The Queen has no freedom at all.  You have some.  Cherish it and do not complain.  Is it your wish that I replace Karl with another?" he asked, suspicion growing in his eyes.  He did not respond to her complaints otherwise.

[Sophia de la Cerda]

Sophia looked up from her needlework, meeting Esteban’s gaze and holding it steadily. “There you go again. You naturally assume that I’m doing something that you wouldn’t approve of. You trust Karl more than you do me. You don’t listen to me either. I just told you that I believe that Karl makes things up about me. He’s not stupid. He knows you are suspicious of me and he is telling you what you want to hear so that you will be pleased with him. Tell me things like that don’t happen. We both know that they do. Commoners are as cunning and deceitful as nobles, maybe more so because they need to work in order to survive.”

 

If eyes could really spit fire, her husband would have already burst into flames. “You have avoided saying anything about spying on me. That is one reason I know that you do. The other is that you would have never known I slipped away unless somebody told you. I did not hide my comings and goings as I was doing nothing wrong. All I wanted was a little privacy. Anyone could have seen me leave the house. But why would they tell you unless you had instructed them to do so?  And don't say that you saw me yourself.  If you had, you would have stopped me."

 

Esteban gave her the chance to have Karl dismissed. Sophia would have taken him up on it if not for Darlene’s advice. The bodyguard hired in his place might be a lot worse. “It does not matter. You will assign the new one to spy on me too.”

 

Sophia stood up and glared at him. “Why do you keep dwelling on the past?  I have gone nowhere without Karl for the last two seasons. Nor will I ever do it again. Why can you not treat me with kindness and compassion instead of suspicion and disdain?   I try my best to be respectful to you.  I was hoping that we could have a pleasant conversation, but you turned it into yet another argument.  For the baby's sake ... and for Juan's ... we should try to get along with each other.  Our child deserves to grow with parents who do not quarrel all the time." 

 

There.  She had said 'our child.'  Maybe he would see how hard she was trying to bridge the chasm that had always been between them.

 

[Blackguard]

Sophia showed a fighting spirit, which was something of a surprise to the Spaniard.  It was rare for ladies to attempt to be so independent, mostly because it was frowned upon by proper society.  Ladies needed to know their place.

"Karl has one task.  To escort and accompany you everywhere.  He is no spy.  Diego is my spy.  When he fails his task, Karl is held accountable by me.  So, it is in his interest to confess any shortcoming before I learn of it myself.  He was providing an excuse for his failure.  That is hardly something done by a spy.  If I was spying on you, I would receive written reports on your every move every day.  I do not.  You are imagining something that is not occurring.  Perhaps it is your pregnancy that is causing you to imagine things," he ventured in a measured way.  "I am told that pregnant ladies often have different emotions and ideas."

She professed her innocence a bit too heavily.  If she had nothing to hide, she would not be bothered by Karl's presence.  It made Esteban think that further conversations with Karl and Diego might be in order.  

"Si, it is better that we have harmony here.  I believe that I have been kind Sophia.  I indulge your needs and only interfere for your safety, as any good husband should.  I do not beat you.  I have not imprisoned you.  Many Spanish husbands would." He paused to see if she would be sensible in seeing how liberal he was with her.

"This child must be born alive and be strong," he stated as he returned her gaze.  "Where is it that you wish to go privately?"  Her answer would be telling.

[Sophia de la Cerda]

Without a mother to guide her, Sophia had never learned that wives were expected to be meek and obedient, that they should accept that their husbands knew what was best for them and never question their authority. However, she was strong-willed by nature and might have ignored those lessons had she received them. Her father had once joked about her being so stubborn that her portrait should accompany the definition of that word in the dictionary. She had absolutely no qualms about standing up for herself.

 

How did she know that Esteban wasn’t receiving written reports about everything she did? He could be an even better liar than she was, for all she knew of him. The petite blonde didn’t think that Diego was spying on her. Following a pregnant young lady around while she shopped and visited friends would take him away from his much more important duties to Juan and to Spain. And he would likely think such a task was beneath him, which, in her opinion, it was.

 

Sophia considered her husband’s theory that her pregnancy was the cause of her paranoia. As soon as he had hired Karl more than a year ago, she had felt that his real purpose was to spy on her. Those feelings had intensified in recent months, it was true, and only in the last few weeks had she considered the possibility that her so-called bodyguard was providing Esteban with false information to make himself look good. Maybe her hormones were contributing to her suspicions but she was certain that she was not imagining it.

 

He agreed that they should try to get along and claimed that he was being kind to her because he didn’t beat her or lock her up. He has no idea that a husband should be a friend and companion to his wife! The revelation hit Sophia like a bolt of lightening. Her needle dropped to the floor and her eyes widened. It all made sense now. He was distant to her because that’s all he knew how to be. Maybe his father had been aloof to his mother or perhaps all Spanish gentlemen were reserved around their wives. She had not noticed the way married couples acted when she was in Madrid. Her attention had been completely focused on her Prince, who was not remote at all.

 

I must encourage him to open and treat me as a friend. And to do that, I need to spend more time with him. We should go places and do things together, laugh at each other's jokes, and eventually confide in one another. Both of us will be much happier and our child will benefit from having parents who genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

 

It wouldn’t be easy, and she would have to force herself to remain pleasant at all times, even when he tried her patience. Sophia would also have to stop accusing him of spying on her and keep their conversations positive. If she treated him the way she wanted him to treat her, then maybe his attitude toward her would began to change. He was not the only one at fault.

 

“At the moment, nowhere,” she remarked truthfully in answer to his question. “But I would like to go somewhere with you.” She smiled at him shyly. “Will you take me to the Carnival, Esteban?”

[Blackguard]

Sophia seemed deep in thought and Esteban could not guess what might be going on in her mind in that moment.  As she dropped her needle, he moved quickly to retrieve it for her.

Sophia's realization about formality would be reinforced by what mingling they had done with other courtiers in Madrid.  The Spanish court was more formal and proper than elsewhere.  They did not enjoy following French fashions, preferring more subdued attire.  Wives were always submissive to their husbands in public and were often sent away into the country, leaving the husband free of their companionship.

Her mood softened and she asked about going to the carnival.  It did not take long for him to agree, needing to change the tone and accusations earlier.  "Yes, we can go together.  Some fresh air might be good for us both.  We shall go Wednesday at noontime I think."

[Sophia de la Cerda]

Sophia smiled as Esteban fetched her needle for her. Unable to bend down and pick it up herself, she would have had to call for a servant to do it, and there were none currently in the room with them or they wouldn’t have been able to speak so freely about their unconventional marriage. He could be nice to her when he wanted to be. Coaxing him into thinking of her as a friend instead of a possession might not be as difficult as she had first believed. And it would help if he was fond of her when the baby arrived.

 

She held her breath while she waited for his answer. He would probably say that he was too busy to take her to the carnival. When he quickly agreed , her heart soared and her smile was bright and genuine. “Noon is fine with me. I look forward to enjoying all the attractions with you.” Hopefully, she would be able to charm him during their outing and he would have fun and want to spend time with her again.

 

Project Toledo was underway.

 

~finis?

[Blackguard]

And so it was that the encounter that began so awkwardly, ended on a harmonious note.

 

~ finis