Back at the Room Saturday Dinner Time 9/17

[Charles Whitehurst]

Sam's disappointment was palpable, causing a lump in Charles' throat.  One never wished to disappoint a friend, or a lady.  As Sam looked down and uttered her question, Charles fought the urge to leave the room suddenly with a claim that he needed a latrine.  Few questions were worse for a man than "can we talk," or "do you find me attractive" or even "did you enjoy the lovemaking."  Sam's was the emotional confluence of all three.  How could one answer the question without trouble?

Charles was struggling for an answer, but he was always well-served by his skill at flattery.  So, he responded from that angle.

"Samantha Gillis," he whispered, hoping her green eyes would find him again.  "We share a friendship and love that is priceless.  It goes deeper than anything a man and woman can share."  He paused to choose his words carefully.  "I think we would be fantastic lovers, heightened by the secret we shared.  We might stay in bed together most of the day," he chuckled.

"You say you would not be affected? You would not become more protective of my safety, more familiar, or even jealous of my wife?  And me ... could I not become more familiar and protective of you?  What would you think if I did not bring you along on a dangerous mission because I wanted to protect my lover, who is also my dearest friend?  It is a natural thing for a man to protect his lover more than a friend.  It is hard to explain," he admitted.  He needed to flatter more to soften the blow.  "You are such a desirable lover to me that, ordinarily, we would be kissing already.  But, things are not ordinary, are they?"

[Aria]

Sam did look up when Charles spoke her full name but her eyes remained empty, as if a vital part of her soul was gone.

 

Perhaps that missing piece was hope.

 

She liked the way her name sounded on his lips, but she did not care for his flattery.  Some of what he said was true … they did share a relationship already that went far beyond friendship. She didn’t believe he desired her, no matter what he said to the contrary. And she doubted that he had any idea how much he was hurting her by shattering her dreams. Being hung, drawn, and quartered would be less painful.

 

It’s all my fault. I knew this would happen if I told him how I felt. Now I must accept his rejection and learn to live with it.

 

Sam would never be jealous of his wife and wouldn't even mind if he talked about her.   She was already protective of Charles, and often urged caution in situations where he would rather barge right into danger. Although she had never considered it before, she understood that if they became lovers, he would be much more protective of her and might give her a less dangerous job. Sam had not joined the military to do paperwork. She enjoyed the thrill of solving mysteries and catching criminals.

 

If it came to a choice between his love and her job, which would she choose? Until now, the choice had been easy. Now it was not. Nor did it matter, because the decision had been made for her.  Sam knew Charles had no intention of kissing her. If he cared for her, he would have done it already. “No, nothing about us is ordinary,” she agreed with a failed attempt at a smile.  Her voice held no emotion at all.

 

She stood up and silently cursed herself for having to hold onto the table to keep from stumbling. “I should probably be getting ready for my shift,” she said.

 

[Charles Whitehurst]

What human being with a heart would not be saddened seeing that they had greatly disappointed a dear friend.  The hurt to Sam was obvious.  Would a rejection have the same affect as an affair, in that their friendship would be forever changed.  It would be easy for Charles to send her on her way, to shorten the awkwardness of the situation; but, that would be no real salve for the situation.

"You have plenty of time before your shift," he objected.  "Have a seat and let us speak more of this."  He did not know much about ladies, but he knew they liked to speak about feelings.  Men preferred action.  Maybe Sam was that way as well, living life as a man.

"I spoke to you just now as your commanding officer," he offered.  "Now let us speak as the dear friends and comrades that we are.  You have my leave to speak freely and honestly about what you would like us to be.  How would you think it could work that we could be lovers and minimize the risk that it will jeopardize our friendship?  Perhaps I am too cautious."  His only hope to cheer her was to have her discuss her feelings out loud, and to hear her ideas in her own words.

[Aria]

Sam immediately sat back down, as if Charles had given her an order. Picking up her mug of ale, she took a long swig. Her duties always helped her vent her frustrations and work out her problems through physical activity, and she didn’t really want to draw out this heartache any further. She just needed to accept the fact that he didn’t see her as a potential lover or their friendship would suffer much the same as it might if they started an affair. There were no easy answers.

 

I should have said nothing at all and let him wonder for the rest of his life about the mysterious woman who had seduced him. Her own words did not convince her. She was actually glad that he knew. It was a secret that she didn’t have to keep anymore and she didn’t have to worry that he would figure out who she was if he saw her dressed as a woman.

 

Sam was stunned when Charles asked her opinion on becoming lovers without ruining their friendship. Was he actually considering it? A bit of light returned to her eyes and a hint of a smile curved her lips. “This is new to both of us. We have a lot to think about and we don’t need to rush into anything. Becoming intimate could be the next logical step in our relationship. Or it could spell the end of the friendship we both cherish.

 

“I think we should keep the possibility in mind but not try to force it or flee from it. If it does happen, it should happen naturally and in its own time. You know now that I care for you. Maybe you will develop feelings for me as well, or perhaps you will never see me as more than a friend. And if that is so, then I will accept it."

 

[Charles Whitehurst]

It was a stormy sea that Charles found himself floundering in, when a rope was cast his way.  Sam's mood would return to contentment as long as they held off making a decision.  That was easy to agree with.

"I agree," he replied more slowly than his excitement might indicate otherwise.  "Let the surprise pass and allow things to progress as they might." His voice was agreeable.  "If things do progress that way, I think we both agree that pregnancy must be avoided."  Left unsaid was the impossibility of her becoming a mother, let alone with his child.  It would need to be terminated, which was a risky business.

He raised his mug in agreement and good cheer, trying to lighten the moment.  "And if we are intimate in bed, shall I call you Captain and you call me Major?" he offered in jest.

[Aria]

Sam was elated that Charles was at least considering the possibility of becoming lovers. She told herself that she should not get her hopes up, though. Nor would she try to seduce him for then he might feel forced into a relationship he really didn’t want just to please her. She refused to let her own happiness come at the expense of his.

 

“I will not become pregnant. I take herbs to prevent it.” She smiled wryly. “A pregnancy would end my career and I would much rather be a soldier than a mother. I’ve never been very maternal anyway.”

 

Even though she knew that Charles was joking, she shook her head vehemently. “If we make love, I shall not be a Captain in the military. I will be a woman in every sense of the word.” Sam narrowed her eyes. “You haven’t seen me as a woman except for that one night. It was dark and I kept my face hidden. I should like to show you that part of me, but we must meet ‘accidentally’ and pretend we don’t know each other.”

[Charles Whitehurst]

Women claimed that herbs protected them from pregnancy.  He certainly hoped that was true.  He knew that if a woman was on top, or she was standing, they could not get pregnant either, or at least that was what he was told.  Charles hoped it was that simple.  The fact that she did not wish to be a mother was a point in her favor.  Charles needed no more bastards running around.

Sam suggested she wanted to be feminine when they were together intimately, and that was a good thing for a man like Charles.  He nodded and was thinking she was offering a game.  Charles liked games.  Had he and Catherine not had a game of egos throughout their affair?

"Accidental?"  Sam was successful in getting him to visualize what that roleplay would be like.  "We would need to be in a private place ... like this room," he imagined out loud.  He did not want to risk being seen at some cold spot in the castle.  He had rented the farmhouse that he had used annually for Maureen and Catherine, but he was loathe to use it for Sam, as it was unnecessary and still risky.  No, if the two were to become lovers, the safest spot would be their room.  A simple locked door would be all that was needed and no one would suspect anything.  "Something fun to consider," he added, still wary that discovery was not the only risk -- there was also their friendship.

 

[Aria]

Charles had misunderstood her. “I don’t want you to see me as a woman only if we became lovers. I would like to show you what I look like before then, which is why I mentioned meeting accidentally.

 

“Maybe the carnival would be a good place. One of my older sisters lives nearby and I will be going there with her and her children. I always wear a dress and wig when I’m with my family.” Sam’s mother had sent her female things to her sister’s house, where she would be changing.

 

“We can slip away and talk somewhere, even if only for a few minutes. Or it can be anywhere in town. What do you think?”   She didn’t want to push Charles into something he wasn’t comfortable with and would say no more about it if he didn’t agree. It was possible that seeing her as a woman would change his opinion of her as a soldier, and she didn’t want that at all.

 

[Charles Whitehurst]

"Ah."   Now Charles understood her.  He found himself focusing on Sam's face and tried to imagine what she would look like in a dress and wig.  Really, there was no choice.  It would make her happy.

"It sounds like fun." he replied cheerfully.  "I shall be the one in the uniform, so I shall be easy to find," he teased her.  "You may need to approach me, but I shall be looking for you in a wig.  What color shall it be?" he inquired so as to make his search easier.  Would she not also be at a loss to identify him if he dressed as a woman?

[Aria]

Sam was pleased that Charles liked her idea. She was a bit worried about what he would think of her while she was dressed as a woman. Would he be unable to look beyond her male persona? Would viewing her in a new light change his opinion of her? Would she feel so awkward that she would not be able to act naturally? This would be a new experience for both of them and would hopefully bring them closer rather than drive them apart.

 

When he asked about the color of her wig, she smiled. “Before I joined the military, my hair had never been cut and I could not bear to get rid of it so I had it made into a wig. That is the one I will be wearing. It’s light golden brown, long, and curly. Curls run in our family. I doubt you will be able to miss it.”

 

Left unsaid was the fact that Sam had never worn that wig before and had been saving it for a special occasion. “I will be wearing a blue dress embroidered with pink and yellow flowers.” It was the best one she had, and the embroidery had been stitched by her younger sisters, which made it special to her.

 

“Shall we decide on a place to meet? There will be a lot of people there. If we leave it to chance, we might not run into each other at all.”

[Charles Whitehurst]

He was to look for a wig of her hair color.  As such, he looked at her hair color again.  One rarely notices the hair color of a fellow soldier.  "Blue dress," he acknowledged as he added "a nice compliment to red."

The question was where to meet at the carnival.  "You could just come up to me and tell me how much you adore soldiers," he laughed.  It would save needing a meeting place.   "If there is a fortune teller there, let's meet near there.  If not, there may be a vender of odds and ends,  We could met there," he suggested.

He noted that it was getting late and time for Sam to go on duty.  "We can speak more of this after your duty shift," he reminded her.  "We cannot have someone try and hurt a royal without one of the two of us to save them," he offered with a smile.  Now that Sam was happy, he could let her return to duty.  Before, she was so sad that he dared not let her leave.

 

OOC~  just wrapping up

[Aria]

Maybe it was just Sam’s imagination, but it seemed as if Charles was actually looking forward to seeing her dressed as a woman. Hopefully he would not be disappointed that she was a simple common girl and not a fancy lady. She had not been trained in courtly manners or polite conversation and was probably less graceful than most women because she had been living as a man for several years. Or perhaps he would think of her as a breath of fresh air. I will ask my sister to trim my eyebrows and lend me some of her perfume.

 

Sam laughed at his suggestion. “In your dreams,” she remarked with feigned sarcasm. “Let’s meet near the fortune teller. Maybe we can even have our fortunes told.” Like most commoners, she believed that some individuals were blessed with the gift of predicting the future. “Perhaps after that, we can go to the vendor. I would like to see what he’s selling.”

 

Charles called attention to the time. “Yes, I need to get dressed and go.” With a chuckle, she added: “The safety of the palace depends on me.” Standing up, she took one more swig of ale and went into the smaller room to change into her uniform.  She felt lighter, as if a burden had been lifted from her, now that he knew the secret that she had been keeping from him.

 

~finis?

[Charles Whitehurst]

"Yes, let us meet there," Charles offered lightly.  Fortune tellers were great fun.

"If we see Captain FitzJames or someone that knows us well, we can separate.  If any capture us, you could be the sister of Captain Sam Gillis perhaps," he offered with a laugh.  "Maybe his twin.  It would give us an excuse to be visiting together."  Such thoughts also made him worry if Darlene or Susan might encounter him and wonder as to the identity of the commoner in his company.

As she dressed, he cast the remnants of their dinner back into the bucket and prepared to take his leave, reverting back to the soldiering relationship they shared.  Though things had gone well, he was could not help but worry that he was digging a new hole for himself.

 

OOC~  finis.  Merci.