Back at the Room Saturday Dinner Time 9/17

[Charles Whitehurst]

Room of Lord Langdon

 

The chamber is small, but comfortable, a large oak bed resting against the west wall. The bed is hung with rose-colored damask, the fabric trimmed with same-color tassels. Across from the bed is a stone hearth whose crackling fire keeps the chill at bay. Small porcelain doves have been affixed to the edges of the mantel with silver satin bows and to the tie backs of the drapes and bed curtains. A window is set into the south wall, overlooking the Long Walk and Castle Hill. A small carved oak table and chair set rests to the right of the window while a small door, hidden behind a rose-colored curtain with thick tassels, beside the fireplace opens into a little closet. Candelabras rest on the table and mantel, casting long shadows over the polished wood of the floor.

With the assistance of two pages, Langdon delivered dinner for himself and Sam Gillis.  Two roasted lamb haunches and potatoes and a small keg of ale.   Elam was bound for London so Charles was on his own fending for food.

Knocking at the door before unlocking it, he gave time for Sam to ready herself.  She had the room until mid-afternoon so Charles was sure that she would be dressed in her uniform by dinner time.  Tipping the two boys a few pennies, the Earl took the bucket of food and the small keg and moved into the room, kicking shut the door behind him.  The food and ale was placed on the table as Charles sought to greet his roommate.  Much had happened to him in the last couple of days and he was dying to tell someone.

[Aria]

 Sam did not call out for Charles to come in, nor could he hear her moving about the room. When he entered, she was standing at the window wearing the men’s clothes she always slept in. Her face was turned up toward the sky as the sun began its colorful descent. An expression of pure pleasure suffused her features. She did not give him any indication that she knew he was there.

 

[Charles Whitehurst]

Why was she not dressed?  She would be on duty in the span of but a few hours.  He placed the food and drink on the table and then went to lock the door.  Might she be sleepwalking?  That seemed odd.

Charles moved to stand beside her and whispered to her, not wanting to startle her out of her sleep. Perhaps she would awaken as she heard his boots approach.  "Sam," he whispered.  "It is time to awaken.  Dinner is here."

[Aria]

When Charles whispered her name, Sam turned toward him. Cold blank eyes stared at him for a moment and then life returned to them. She swayed, grabbing onto his arm to steady herself.  Glancing at the window and back to Charles, an expression of surprise and bewilderment crossed her face. “I … I must have walked in my sleep again.  Why do I always wake up in front of a window?"

 

The smell of food made her stomach rumble. “Is it time for me to go on duty?"  She seemed more than a bit confused.  "I need to put on my uniform.”

[Charles Whitehurst]

Charles could not remember ever having met a person that walked in her sleep.  There had been stories of such things, but it seemed unbelievable, until now.  He steadied Sam with his arm.

"You were staring at the sun and smiling, as if yearning for sunlight," he observed.  "You have no memory of getting out of bed?" he asked, already knowing the answer.  "You must be looking for something in your dreams." It was the first idea that popped into his mind.

"No, it is merely dinner time," he assured.  "There is time to get dressed after we eat.  "I thought you might like to hear of the crazy things I have been doing and we could have a nice dinner to laugh together."  He waved her over to a seat at the table as he dropped the lamb and potato on a pewter plate for her and then himself.   He poured a liberal amount of ale into two mugs and then sat down with her.  He assumed she was still groggy.

"First, anything interesting that you have heard or seen on watch?" he asked as he removed his hat, uniform coat, and belt with scabbard, sitting with a knife and fork to cut the potato into wedges to soak up the lamb juice.

[Aria]

 Sam frowned when Charles described how she had looked. It seemed odd to yearn for sunlight when she could enjoy it on clear days. In summer, it sometimes annoyed her when her duties took her outside. Her uniform was stifling in the heat. On those occasions, she often longed for rain.

 

She blinked at his suggestion. “I’ve never considered this before but I don’t remember my dreams when I sleepwalk.” Sam shrugged. “Maybe you’re right.” And maybe it is you I am looking for, she added silently to herself. Sharing a room with Charles wreaked havoc with her feelings for him. It was fortunate that they slept in shifts. She would be mortified if she crawled in bed with him in her sleep.

 

Pushing those thoughts aside, she grinned. “Now I’m curious.” She was always flattered when he confided in her. Fully conscious now, she took a seat at the table and accepted the plate that he placed in front of her.  She took a generous sip from the mug of ale.

 

Setting the cup on the table, she began to cut the lamb into pieces. “It was a quiet night, just like the one before. Quite boring, actually.”

 

Taking a bite of meat, she chewed it and washed it down with a sip of ale. “So tell me … what kind of trouble did you get into today? Did it by any chance concern ladies?” Sam knew of Charles’ reputation with the ladies and liked to tease him about it.

[Charles Whitehurst]

"Bad and good," he replied as he mixed chunks of lamb with the potato slices.

"I called on the King, unannounced," he imparted, arching both eyebrows to signal that this act took some temerity.  "Before I forget, he instructed me to spy on courtiers," he chuckled.  "He was keen that we look and listen to courtiers meeting. to discover what plots are afoot.  So, you need to do likewise and instruct our trusted men to keep their ears open for anything or anyone who might cause trouble for the Crown."   He paused to wash down his food.  Sam wished to know more about his lady trouble, which was a bit out of the ordinary, but he viewed her as he might a male soldier, with a care not to do anything that might offend a woman with a proverbial thick skin.  He had trusted her with the secret of the golden dagger as he needed an officer to trust with his delicate projects.  She had displayed her loyalty many times.

"Two things," he began with a sour face.  "I think some of the men may have been loose lipped about my Fiona McBain ... close encounters back at Somerset Palace.  Her sister, Lady Alyth, took it quite poorly and I was not in a position to deny that there had been some tomfoolery.  No harm done mind you.  But Lady Alyth saw it as a betrayal and insinuated that she would tell the King, as she is his ward.   You know what that could mean."  He leaned down to take another mouthful but his eyes were upright looking into Sam's eyes in a knowing fashion.  "A lovely libertine lady but I had not been imagining marriage."  He need not provide the reasoning.

"So, I sought out the King, knowing that my reputation for fathering a child with Catherine Sedley, as well as potential dalliances with other ladies, was impacting my ability to seek a suitable match."  Time for another swig.

"His Majesty was quite kind, understanding that we young gentlemen, at times, lose our way in the pursuit of ... merry ways.  He is such a good monarch.  We are so lucky to have him Sam.  He could have treated me poorly, sent me to the Tower until I recanted my ways."  Charles laughed knowing that scenario would have been unlikely for the Merry Monarch.

"He told me I needed to stop seeing Miss Sedley, and I will.   Bradley may be interested in marrying her, but you need to keep that quiet."

"So we talked about who I should marry."  He decided to give Sam the abbreviated version since she was not schooled in the art of matchmaking.  "Susan Herbert," he announced bluntly.  "She is the only daughter of a wealthy and powerful double earldom.  She is a Queen's lady, which is good for a Life Guard officer.  She has also helped me with this golden dagger mystery along the way and we like each other.  So the choice is easy.  The King agreed, so I will ask her mother for permission to court her," he announced.  He avoided details about the Earl of Pembroke.

"Then, he told me that I had insulted the Duke of York with my Sedley affair.  I explained that I thought he had cast her off."  He took another drink to wash the bad taste of the York meeting from his thoughts.  "I saw His Highness this morning and apologized.  He treated me sternly but forgave me with a warning to not do so again.  I owe him a service," he added succinctly. 

"How is that for taking my life in my hands?" he laughed, happy to be free of the crushing pressure and in a relatively good position.  He finished the last of his meal.

[Aria]

Charles had visited the King without an invitation? Sam’s fork paused in midair, the piece of lamp stuck in its prongs dripping juice onto her plate. It was both a brave and a foolish thing to do. That he was sitting in front of her now and not on his way to London and the Tower meant that his audacity had gone unpunished. She was a bit surprised that the monarch wanted his Life Guards to eavesdrop on courtiers. Did he not employ spies for that task? Maybe they were ineffective. It was not her place to question the King and so she nodded before lifting the fork to her lips.

 

Sam teased Charles about the ladies so that he would never suspect that she was in love with him, or that they had slept with each other once without him knowing her identity. She would always cherish the memories of that pleasurable interlude, despite it being as risky as approaching the King unannounced. There was always the possibility that he would find out the truth someday, and then their friendship would come to an end.

 

She had suspected that he had been having an affair with the pretty young lady he was protecting. It figured that some of the men would think the same thing, as she had stayed in his office every night. Trijntje had spent a lot of time with her and had told Sam that it was not safe for her to go home and that somebody was trying to kill her. She doubted the soldiers had believed that story at all.

 

Sam listened to the rest of his account as she ate. She knew about his relationship with Mistress Sedley. Sometimes it seemed as if soldiers gossiped as much as old women. He had been advised to give her up and marry Susan Herbert instead. Charles had spoken highly of that lady when he had mentioned her involvement in the dagger mystery several months ago. It did seem as if she was suitable for him. Though she cared for him, Sam had never entertained the thought that he would marry a commoner who pretended she was a man.

 

And he had also confessed to the Duke of York and lived to tell the tale. Her heart soared at the sound of his laughter and she joined in.  “I doubt that most lords would have survived all that.” She pushed back her empty plate. “You are really ready to settle down now? And does Lady Susan know of your intentions?”

 

[Charles Whitehurst]

His meal finished, Charles sat back to drink his ale.  Drinking made him either tipsy or sleepy as he was not much of a drinker.  That is why he preferred ale to the harder liquor.

"It was not so dangerous," he laughed.  "If an officer of his Life Guard cannot ask for an audience, then this would be a sorry place indeed."  He did not wish to be considered too reckless.  The visit with York had been more dangerous.  "Still, it was a perilous adventure.  The King might have ordered me to marry Sedley and York could have done the same.  That would have been unfortunate."  

She asked questions about Susan Herbert.  "I think she would encourage a suit.  I do not say I understand ladies at all," he chuckled "but I am fairly certain she likes me."  He made no mention of his secret meeting that was not a meeting with her.  "I will ask her mother on Sunday at chapel.  I am confident she will approve my suit given how dashing I look in my uniform," he laughed, trying not to keep things too serious.

He dropped into a whisper.  "The King said I should bed whores, actresses and widows and stay away from unmarried ladies."  At first he had been surprised by the advice but, upon reflection, he understood it completely.  "I do not know any whores or actresses and I am a bit timid about approaching one about paying for a romp."  Here he fought a blush.  He was about to lament the absence of a suitable widow as well, but stopped short.  "Woe is me," he teased while he wondered if he might find someone suitable at Windsor.

[Aria]

 “You led me to believe that you just barged into his apartments,” Sam chuckled. “Of course he would see you if you asked for an audience. He might have believed that his life was in danger. Or the life of his new heir.”

 

She wondered why Charles was against marrying Mistress Sedley, as he had not hidden their relationship and it was common knowledge that she had given him a child. Maybe marrying one’s mistress was simply not done.  Though a commoner, Sam understood more of noble society than most because her job brought her close to it and she had to interact with nobles on occasion. There seemed to be a plethora of unwritten rules governing their behavior. She was glad she had not been born a noblewoman.

 

She could not help being a bit jealous of Charles’ affection for Lady Susan. That lady did not know how lucky she was. And of course she must like him. She might even love him. There was nothing disagreeable about him. He was handsome, courteous. and honorable. What more could any woman want?

 

And he also had a great sense of humor. “I think it will take more than your good looks to impress her,” she laughed. “If I had a daughter, I would make her suitors prove that they were worthy of her before granting them permission to court her. If you want to practice, I can pretend to be the mother and ask you some hard questions.”

 

His voice lowered to a whisper as he repeated the King’s advice. Sam knew both kinds of women in London but not at Windsor. And none of them were good enough for Charles. “I would stay away from whores and actresses. They might give you the pox. Maybe a respectable common girl would be more suitable. I’m sure there are plenty of them who would be pleased to win the favor of a lord.” Including a woman you know well who pretends to be a man, she added silently to herself.

[Charles Whitehurst]

"Well, I sort of barged in and asked if I could meet with His Majesty alone," he chuckled.  "I think he was intrigued as he sent his men away."

As for Susan Herbert,  "fortunately I am not relying on the looks of my uniform alone," he played along.  "I am an earl and a baron, have estates, my own private army.   I am the Lord Lieutenant of London, and a Major in the Life Guard.  If that is not good enough, then I will wish her mother good luck finding someone better.  There are other fish in the sea for me, if necessary."  His remarks were all in good nature.  He had convinced himself that Lady Pembroke would have little choice unless she was appalled by the Sedley affair.  If that were to occur, he could combat it with the King's own words about young men and their follies.

On the topic of whores, he agreed with Sam.  "My thoughts exactly.  You cannot rid yourself of pox they say."  Of course, the King had said that high class whores were not sick.  "Yes, a clean respectable common gal with no father or brother to feel outrage," he agreed.  "Or a widow.  Maybe that would be best.  Everyone expects them to be merry."  He knew only Heather, Cat and Darlene that fit such a description.  He laughed to himself that Susan's mother was a widow.  He had no excuse for breaking into a laugh imagining himself carrying on an affair with Susan's mother during the courtship.  He waved off Sam if she thought to inquire.  "It is just the drink," he lied.

Edited January 22, 2023 by Charles Whitehurst

[Aria]

 When Charles listed his credentials, they did sound quite impressive, at least to Sam. She had no idea what went on in the head of a noblewoman with a marriageable daughter. He did have a reputation with the ladies. It was possible that she might hold that against him. Sam hoped that Lady Susan’s mother approved of him, though. She liked to see him happy, like he was now, even if thinking about him with another woman broke her heart.

 

Yet she also enjoyed being his friend and confidant. If Charles did take her as his mistress, she imagined that he would ask her to live as a woman. Living as a man gave her much more freedom and she wasn’t ready to give it up. And she really loved her job. The best thing to do was to quit thinking about that interlude at Newmarket and to embrace the easy camaraderie between them. Unfortunately, such a thing was easier said than done.

 

That he was comfortable talking with her about his love life was another sign that he trusted her. Sam was glad that he didn’t plan on associating with whores. She wasn’t certain if widows were much better if they were extremely merry. But that was none of her concern.

 

His laughter made her smile. "Right." Sam glanced at him skeptically. She didn’t think that Charles was drinking that much ale. "What's so funny?  Tell me."

 

[Charles Whitehurst]

He was oblivious to Sam's thoughts obviously. As for the interlude at Newmarket, he knew only that a woman named Samantha had come to him and guided him into the barn, hiding her face as if her life depended on it.  She had given him a necklace and he had kept it in his locked chest back home with other personal things.  He never expected he would encounter her again.  Perhaps he was dense, but he had yet to connect the name Samantha with Sam..  This was largely due to the fact that one was a woman in a dress and one was a woman masquerading as a man who had saved his life and served loyally.

The ale had yet to addle his thoughts even though he was not one to hold his drink.  Instead, it merely allowed him to be a bit more relaxed and a bit more cheerful. 

She asked him what caused him to laugh.  There was no way he was going to reveal that.  "Oh just laughing at the situation." That was mostly true.

"And what of you Sam?  Is there a guy or gal that has caught your eye?"  It was time to turn the tables.  Since she preferred being a man, he guessed she might prefer women as lovers.  If true, it would not bother him much.

[Aria]

 Sam accepted his response. Charles seemed in a much lighter mood than usual, and perhaps that was because he no longer had to carry around the burden of his past mistakes. He had confessed to the King, apologized to York, and was looking forward to marriage with a young lady he got along well with. The only hurdle in his way now was that lady’s mother and he seemed to be looking forward to his meeting with her.

 

Again, she thought how much she enjoyed seeing him in such a good mood. She hoped this wasn’t just the calm before the storm. The man who wanted the dagger had supposedly come to Windsor, but seemed to be laying low at the moment. They would need to confront him at some point.

 

Charles’ question caught Sam off guard and she hid her astonishment by taking another swig of ale. Why the sudden interest in her love life … or, more accurately … the lack thereof?   Was he simply curious or was there a chance that he was taken with her too?

 

No, that couldn’t be. He could have any beautiful lady he wanted. Why would he waste his time on a young woman with cropped hair who had been passing herself off as a man for years? She had even fooled him.

 

“There was someone once,” she said, a sad note in her tone of voice. “But I never told him how I felt. What man in his right mind would want a woman who chooses to live as a man?”

[Charles Whitehurst]

Charles was, indeed, in a lighter mood.  The royal visits had lifted a burden from him that he had felt heavily.  Only Darlene and Catriona could lift most of the rest, and he expected neither to try.

Sam would likely find it odd that he was in such a light mood too because their normal encounters typically involved chasing villains and assassins, hardly light fare.  Sam revealed that she preferred men, which came as a mild surprise.  How could she like men and be surrounded by half naked men all the time and not be aroused?  He had not thought on that before.  If he was disguised as a lady and was surrounded by scantily-clad ladies, he would be hard-pressed to not act on it. 

"Did he know you were a woman in reality?" he inquired.  "If he did and was not put off by it, why not at least hint at it?  You never know.  He might have warmed to the idea, though it would be hard to carry on as a normal couple with you in uniform with him."  He chuckled at the visual image.  "I suppose you could just pose as friends and roommates and no one would know your secret," he offered, thinking that they would need to explain their situation to neighbors.

[Aria]

Sam was actually attracted to both men and women, but nobody of either gender could hold a candle to Charles. If she had lived in the twenty-first century, she would have identified as ‘demisexual,’ for she had to get to know somebody well before she was aroused. Looks alone didn’t do it for her. She didn’t find it difficult to form connections to others and she’d had a few male and female lovers in the past. In the twenty-first century, she would also have identified as ‘gender fluid.’

 

“He knew I was a woman,” she confessed. “We were friends. He seemed to prefer feminine women. If he had returned my feelings, I think he would have asked me to give up my career and live as a woman. I would go crazy cooking, cleaning, and raising children when I would rather be chasing criminals and solving crimes."  Sam sighed.  "I would have been content being his lover if he could accept me as I was, but I don't think he had any romantic interest in me.  He saw me as just one of his buddies."

[Charles Whitehurst]

He was oblivious about the identity she was hiding.  This was still a friendly chat among good friends.

"I do not blame you," he agreed with her assessment of traditional female roles.  "You are an exceptional soldier and officer.  It is your passion and you should not give it up easily."  He mulled what advice to give her.  Should he tell her to just take a lover, bond with a woman who did enjoy the feminine roles and they could be a couple in that regard, or just give up?  He needed to support her, as any friend would attempt.

"Assuming you stay a soldier, you want a man who would accept you as you are and would be attracted to you as a lover," he repeated aloud as if trying to deduce the answer to a riddle.  "There cannot be more than a handful of persons in England that know your secret.  That means you have a very small list to choose from," he laughed, but then thought better of it because it might hurt her feelings that he was taking it so lightly.  "But what man would not find you attractive?  You have so much to offer."  It was imperative to flatter her and make her feel good about herself.  That is what friends did. 

This caused him to do something he had not done in any meaningful way.  He tried to look past the short hair and the uniform, attempting to see her as a woman.  He had treated her, instead, as a good comrade and friend.  He noticed her eye color, perhaps for the first time, the curvature of her nose and lips.  Was her neck and shoulders muscular, or more feminine?  Did she have a stocky build like a man?  He had assumed that she did.  She would be no beauty, was his first impression, but what would she look like with a wig, makeup, and a dress?  It would be clear to Sam that he was appraising her as a woman.  "Again, I say, only a fool would not find you attractive."  He had to say that after the way he gawked at her.  He offered an encouraging smile.

 

[Aria]

Charles thought she was attractive, even as a man? Her heart leapt in her chest and her knees felt suddenly weak. Sam was glad she was sitting down. Was it possible he had guessed that she was the woman who had seduced him at Newmarket? Did he still have the necklace she had given him? He is only trying to make me feel good about myself, like any friend would. She did not find his laughter offensive. Her situation was as amusing as it was unusual.

 

She felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny. It almost seemed as if Charles was looking at her for the first time, as if he was wondering whether he should have flattered her at all.  Would his close inspection connect the dots between her two identities? Did she want it to?

 

Sam was tall for a woman. She did not have the pleasingly plump figure that men found so attractive. Slender compared to most men, her body was toned due to so much training, running, and other physical activities. Soldiers had to keep in shape. Her waist was not particularly narrow, nor were her hips wide. Her bosom was on the small side of average. None of this Charles would see, as her breasts were bound and she wore her clothing a bit loose.

 

Her facial features were nicely shaped, leading to her often being called a ‘pretty boy’ by the other soldiers. Her skin was lightly tanned because of all the time she spent outdoors.   She cultivated a plain countenance while posing as a man, but could be considered fairly pretty when wearing makeup and a wig. Sam had light brown hair and her eyebrows were rather bushy, which made her look more manly than if they were neatly trimmed. One of her best features was her gorgeous green eyes, another attribute the men often teased her about.

 

Charles repeated his earlier compliment. Sam didn’t know what to think or what to say. His smile melted her heart. She returned it a bit shyly. “Do you really think my friend might have returned my affections? If you were in his place, would you consider me a suitable lover?” It was a risky question, but she could not stop herself from asking.

 

[Charles Whitehurst]

Frankly, as her friend, he would have called her attractive even if she looked like a troll.  Fortunately, she did not have the appearance of a hag.  Still, she looked more like a man than a woman.  He supposed she might make a better presentation in a dress with make-up and a wig.  She did not really awaken his ardor in her current attire, but he needed to flatter her, not like a lady at court (with hyperbolic statements), but with enough encouragement that she would try to get shagged.  Everyone needed a good shagging now and then, and Sam deserved it, perhaps more than anyone.

Their Newmarket liaison had been at night in a dark stable.  She had been wearing a dress and he did not have a good look at her.  If she told him the truth, he would recognize her; but, without a jog to his memory, the connection was not there.

"Absolutely your friend would return your affection.  He would be mad not to," he complimented.  This, of course, was necessitated by friendship.  He had no idea who this man was and what he liked, but he needed Sam to take the initiative or she might die a virgin.  "Sam, we live our lives taking chances.  You need to be brave and take the risk, if this fellow is worth it," he counseled, knowing nothing really about women, Charles thought to encourage her like he would any soldier.

She asked about him, likely just trying to get a male perspective.  As her friend, how could he say she was an unsuitable lover?  He could not, though she might well be.  "I am sure you are more than suitable for the likes of me.  Of course, me being your commanding officer would make things ... awkward."  He tried to chuckle softly so as to not offend and to keep things light. It was the nice way of saying yes to bolster her spirits, while pointing out the ethical and practical problems with such a relationship.  He hoped she was speaking hypothetically.  Maybe she was keen on another officer.

 

[Aria]

Should she take Lord Langdon’s advice and tell him that he was the man she was speaking of? It was huge risk, and Sam knew that it might ruin their friendship. He had mentioned that he wouldn’t mind a common-born lover and she was more than willing to offer herself to him with no strings attached. And he was definitely worth taking a chance on.

 

And there it was. Though he claimed she was suitable for him, Charles pointed out the difficulties a romantic relationship would cause in their current situation. If she told him of her feelings, he would probably have her transferred to another part of England. She couldn't imagine never seeing him again. It was also possible that he would be so angry that he would reveal her secret and she would be dishonorably discharged.

 

“Yes, it would be awkward,” Sam agreed, her voice completely emotionless. “I tricked my friend once by dressing as a woman and pretending to meet him for the first time. He seemed to enjoy my company, but he had no idea who I really was. I don’t know why I did it. Curiosity perhaps.” She felt secure sharing this with Charles, for she didn’t think he would make the connection.

[Charles Whitehurst]

The fact that she was emotionless in acknowledging the awkwardness did not seem unusual to Charles.  It seemed to reflect that she was speaking hypothetically.

She then spoke how she tricked her friend by dressing as a woman.  That caused him to smile.  "That would be a sight I would like to see." He meant that as a friend imagining something unique, rather than with a prurient interest. 

"He enjoyed your company.  And why not?" Charles stated in an encouraging manner  It had yet to dawn on him that she was speaking of him. More would be needed.  "What did you do together?"  He was trying to imagine that the two of them went boating and she had a parasol.  It was the most humorous thing he could imagine Sam ever doing because it was so feminine.  "If you both enjoyed it, why would you both not spend time together in that way again?"  She said she hid her identity from him.  "You said he knew your true gender, so why would you hide your identity from him?"  It was perplexing.  "What were you afraid of?"  There was some small warning in the back of his mind, but he could not yet quite place it.

[Aria]

 “Then you should come with me when I visit my family. My parents insist that I wear a gown and a wig. They have accepted my choice to live as a man but they don’t want me influencing my younger sisters who still live at home.” This was a safe thing to say, for Sam was certain that Charles would never think of visiting the poor side of town unless it was in an official capacity. Even if he accepted, it had been dark that evening and if she wore a different dress and wig, he would be none the wiser.   If he did figure it out, he would probably loathe her for fooling him.

 

Unless she was better at shagging than his other lovers and he wished for a repeat performance.

 

There was little chance of that. How could a commoner compete with fine noblewomen?

 

“Some things should remain private,” Sam said with a slightly embarrassed smile. “He seemed to enjoy it and I certainly did, but I knew I could never tell him the truth. It would have ruined our friendship and I would rather be his friend than his foe. Think about it. How would you feel if a friend tricked you like I tricked him? Would you not feel betrayed?”

[Charles Whitehurst]

Charles was confused.  "Maybe it is the ale, but I do not understand."  The drink did not inebriate him, but he was fighting a burp at the moment.

"You have a friend who knows your are a woman," he whispered.  "He likes you.  You tricked him by dressing as one and he was so blind he did not recognize you?"  He almost laughed.  "He enjoyed the time with you and somehow you think you betrayed him somehow?"  he scratched his head as a sign of his confusion.  "So, you played a good trick on your friend.  Why is that a betrayal?" She asked him how he would feel and he continued to be blind.

"Sam, someone betrays you by betraying a secret that hurts you ... by stealing your valuables ... by lying to hurt you, or to turn the men against you.  So what you wore a dress? Why is that a betrayal?  You tricked him good maybe.  He would probably just laugh.  How would that hurt him?  It would take something horrible you did to hurt me Sam.  I would assume I would have to do something horrible to you for you to feel betrayed,  Right?  A masquerade is not a betrayal of trust, unless it was done to wound."  He was so busy defining betrayal to not include trickery that he had yet to connect the clues she had laid for him, though once he stopped to think about it more, even his blindness might vanish.  

[Aria]

Sam sighed. “I am just one of the guys to him. If he had any romantic feelings for me at all, why didn’t he drop a few hints to see if I felt the same? He is utterly unaware that I care for him. I believe that what I did would hurt him, either because I wasn’t honest with him, or because he only used me. He never spoke of the woman I pretended to be that night, though he has discussed his love life with me before. Maybe I didn’t make much of an impression on him and he would feel guilty if he knew it was me.”

 

Would Charles really just laugh if he knew she was talking about him? Would he not mind being tricked in that manner? To him, this was just a hypothetical situation. Should she go ahead and tell him? Or was it too much of a risk? He would never look at her the same way again … if at all.

 

She knocked back the rest of her ale, unable to resist testing him a bit more. “You might think differently if you were in his shoes. What if I told you that I had feelings for you? What if I put on a dress and seduced you without telling you who I was? Would you really just laugh it off if you found out? Or would you want nothing more to do with me?”

[Charles Whitehurst]

He found himself slowing shaking his head as she continued on.  How could the man give hints back about his feelings if he never knew she had feelings for him?  She said he had been fooled.  Did she expect him to be clairvoyant?  He burped a little too loudly, which caused him to chuckle and apologize.  In doing so, he was not really treating her as one of the guys completely.

The fog in his mind began to lift with her last four questions.  She used him as the example, but it somehow seemed less hypothetical in that moment.  He remembered a woman that came to him at Newmarket.  She had known him, calling him by his first name.  She had seemed familiar to him but he could not place the voice, and her appearance was hidden in the darkness of the stable.  She had not been a perfumed lady, but more common.  He had asked her name in the darkness and she had said ... "Samantha!" he uttered aloud. Blazing cannons!  She had given him a necklace, which he still held in his secret chest with his love letters and other important papers.

He looked her straight in the eyes, the scales falling from his own.  "That was you at Newmarket then?" he asked quietly, just to confirm.  There was no anger or upset in his voice.  "How could I have been so blind?" he asked himself aloud.  After a moment, he added "well this is embarrassing."  He reached for the ale keg.  "I think this calls for another round."  He poured her ale and then his own. 

"I still have your necklace," he whispered.  "I did not know you thought of me this way," he mentioned after a swig.  "We share the closest bond of trust and friendship, you and I.  We each would give our life to try and save the other," he kept rambling as he took another swig.  He reached for her nearest hand gently.  "I apologize for being blind to feelings beyond that."  She was not a lady, but a gentlemen was required to apologize for any misunderstanding.

[Aria]

When Charles spoke her full first name, Sam felt like she had been hit in the stomach by a ton of bricks. Brightly colored dots swam in front of her eyes. If she had not been sitting down, she probably would have fallen to the floor. She should have changed the subject before it reached this point. But she had wanted him to understand why she thought her mythical lover would feel betrayed and she had kept pushing him until he figured out the truth.

 

She braced herself for his outrage and the rejection that would follow. This was the end of their friendship their close working relationship. He would never trust her again. By tomorrow morning, she would be on her way to a new assignment at the other side of the country or she would be exposed for the fraud she was and kicked out of the military altogether. Worst of all, she would never see him again.

 

But an storm she expected did not come. Sam could not have moved her gaze from his if she had wanted to. She nodded at his question, for she was shocked speechless by the calm way he was handling her betrayal. Of course Charles was embarrassed by what she had revealed. Maybe he was in shock too and she would feel the full force of his rage later … especially if he kept drinking. She held out her mug and he refilled it.

 

Her green eyes widened when he said he still had the necklace she had given him. Why? Certainly one tryst in the arms of a stranger couldn’t have left much of an impression on him. She had assumed that he had rid himself of it as soon as she left. Why was he speaking of trust and friendship after she had betrayed him in such an intimate way?  And then … he reached for her hand. Its warmth permeated through her own, and Sam realized how very cold she was. “I would give my life for you without even thinking of the risk to myself.”

 

Her hand shook in his. When she spoke again, she used her natural feminine tone of voice. “You’re not angry? You’re not going to have me transferred?” She was more confused than she had ever been in her life. “Why did you keep my necklace?”

[Charles Whitehurst]

Friends like Sam were a rare thing.  One did not dispense with them easily.

"I am only angry at myself," he replied calmly, "for being so blind."  She declared that she thought he would send her away.  "Why would I do that?" he responded quickly.  "You are my best soldier, my best friend, and my most trusted comrade.  I shall always want you nearby," he offered reassuringly.  "Who else would guard my back?" he offered in a light humor that was steeped in truth.

"I kept the necklace," he revealed, "because I was determined to solve the mystery you presented.  You know how I like mysteries.  The problem was that I had no clues to follow, other than the necklace and the name.  I had half assumed that it was a false name to throw me off.  I gave up too easily, expecting that other clues would come with time.  I suppose they did."

There was a bigger issue to address between them, but he thought to delay it as best he could for the moment while he thought on how best to resolve it.  While things could not be better suited for becoming lovers, given their room assignment, doing so was likely to change their relationship.  How would he be able to maintain military discipline between them, deal with whispers, prevent jealousy, and even ending things without emotionally bad outcomes?

[Aria]

Sam was stunned. How could Charles even stand to look at her after what she had done to him? She had imagined this moment many times since that night, and none of the scenarios in her mind had turned out well. And certainly not like this. He seemed utterly unfazed and he had not consumed enough ale to become inebriated. His words reduced her apprehension but did not eliminate it entirely. There was always a chance he would change his mind after he had some time to think about it.

 

Charles was her best and most trusted friend as well. She tried to put herself in his position and he in hers. Would she feel betrayed if he had seduced her anonymously ? No, she would feel honored, but maybe that was because she was in love with him. As far as Sam knew, he had no such feelings for her.

 

I should have guessed why he kept the necklace. She was a bit disappointed that he had not held onto it because he had enjoyed their shagging, though maybe he had. “I always regretted not giving you a fake name, but I think I wanted you to eventually figure out it was me.” She smiled a bit wryly. “Now at least one mystery is solved.”

 

Sam had been thinking of herself when she had suggested he take a commoner as a lover. She would take what he offered her and never make demands on him. When he wanted to end things between them, she would accept it. She knew she couldn’t marry him and would never be jealous of the ladies he spent time with. But becoming lovers would change their relationship forever, whether for better or for worse. Was it worth the risk?

 

She looked over at the bed, which for some reason appeared bigger now. “I shouldn’t stay here anymore. I will move my belongings to the barracks at the end of my shift.” Sam didn’t relish staying with the other soldiers, but it seemed like the best solution now that Charles knew that she cared for him.

 

[Charles Whitehurst]

Sam was quiet as she likely contemplated the situation.  He too was silent as he thought on the situation.  It was awkward to be sure.  While a shag between friends did not seem so terrible, the impact upon military discipline was.  If she stopped saluting and acting as junior officer, the men would notice.  They would guess that the pair were a couple and it would cause tongues to wag and discipline to deteriorate.  That would be difficult to reverse.

She suggested changing quarters.  "No need for that," he was quick to respond.  "Our arrangement is working well.  This bed is far more comfortable than the cold, flea-infested bedding below."  He smiled as he said it.  "We are still the closest of friends and comrades are we not?  Nothing we have discussed has changed that.  An intimate relationship might change that don't you think?  You could lose respect for me as an officer, and treat me as a lover instead.  That is a much different relationship," he observed aloud.  One needed to treat a lover differently, showing deep compassion that one did not for one's friends and subordinates.

[Aria]

The barracks were rather uncomfortable and Sam had to take extra precautions to safeguard her true identity. Not only did she adore the soft bed in their room, but every time she crawled between the sheets, she could smell his scent. She had never slept better in her life and most of her dreams were of him, except for the occasions she sleepwalked and couldn’t remember her dreams at all.

 

She still could hardly believe that Charles had taken the news so well and still considered them the best of friends. She felt the same way, although her affection for him went deeper than his feelings for her. Though Sam had hoped otherwise, he confirmed it by pointing out one of the perils of an intimate relationship. If he cared for her, he would be willing to make things work.

 

The light seemed to leave her brilliant green eyes. She looked down at the table, her shoulders slumped. “I have been living a double life for years now. I know how to keep my identities separate. When I pose as a man, I never lose sight of the fact that you are my superior officer. I would never lose respect for you nor question your orders and I would expect you to treat me no differently than you do now.

 

“Just admit it, my lord. You don’t see me as a lover. I don’t blame you and will never hate you for it. How can I compare to the beautiful young noble ladies that you are accustomed to?”