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Letters To Don Juan [not sent, please don't archive]

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~December 24, before the opera~


The gown Sophia had chosen for the opera lay upon her bed, a sparkling confection of off-white brocade embroidered with pastel flowers in many hues and embellished with silver thread. She would wear it to the theatre and then change into her first costume, donning it again once the final curtain fell. It was almost time to get ready and her nervousness had nearly reached its crescendo.


How exciting this evening would be! She would be able to show off the full capabilities of her voice tonight. It would shine as it had shone in Venice, and she would contribute to making the opera of Masters Greyson and Cole a magnificent success that would be talked about for years to come. It would be their triumph, and she was only an instrument to bring their masterpiece to life. She did not wish for glory, only the opportunity to perform again and to help introduce her beloved opera to London.


If only Juan could be here, then everything would be perfect, but he was far away managing the affairs of Spain. However, she could write a letter to him so that he could share her experience when he read it. In fact, she could write him several letters about her adventures this season and give them to him when he either joined them in London or she traveled back to Spain.


Deciding to start immediately, she entered the small sitting room attached to her bedchamber and sat behind the desk. Taking a piece of cream-colored parchment from its drawer, she dipped her feathery quill into the inkwell and begin to write in German.


My dearest love,


Remember the evening I sang for the King and he commissioned an opera with me in the title role? It has taken many months of hard work, particularly on the parts of Master Greyson and Master Cole, and tonight it will be performed for the first time. if everything goes well, perhaps he will want a second performance when you return to London, particularly if he knows how much you love music.


I am trembling with anticipation and excitement. I feel much as I did when I saw you when we arrived in Spain. I could not wait to be alone with you and now I cannot wait to sing the role of Diana. The sensations are not nearly as poignant as when I am with you, but they are exhilarating nonetheless. I am nervous as well, but that is to be expected. It will disappear as soon as I step onstage for my first aria.


Oh, how I wish you could be with me! However, you will be in every beat of my heart and in each breath I take, and every note I sing will be for you.


I plan on giving the Queen a Christmas pyramid after the performance, hopefully already lit and spinning. They were a magical part of my childhood, and maybe she also has fond memories of them. I have one for you too, which I will give to you when I see you again. I don't know if they are popular in Austria, but I'm sure you have seen them.


It is time to get ready now. Know that you will be in my thoughts constantly and as soon as I get home, I will tell you in vivid detail how it went so that you will feel as if you were there beside me the entire time.


I am yours forever and always,



As she planned on writing more after the opera, she didn't fold the letter but took it to her bedchamber and placed it in a locked box where she kept her most precious possessions.

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  • 2 months later...

After returning home from the ball and dressing for bed, Sophia sat down at her desk to write Juan about the opera.


My dearest love,


The opera was a raging success, just as I had hoped it would be. It was truly magnificent but it fell short of perfection for the simple fact that you were not there to see it. When you return to London, I hope the King will want us to perform it for him again. It is sad that there was only one show. In Venice, operas run for weeks, sometimes months if they are very popular. Maybe His Majesty will want to impress important foreign visitors with it, such as yourself.


I was so nervous when I was getting ready backstage, but excitement flowed through my veins as well. The feeling was much like desire, but not nearly as strong as what I feel whenever I look at you. Of course you were in my thoughts even then, and when I peeked from behind the curtains to watch the King arrive, I wished that you were sitting in the royal box with him, smiling in anticipation of hearing me sing.


Sophia went on to describe her costumes, the sets, and the arias in vivid detail, painting vibrant images for her royal lover with her quill. She left nothing out and several pages had been filled when she finally came to the end of the performance.


The applause was quite deafening and the King cheered loudest of all. As always I thought of you, and how you would be smiling at me from your box if you had been there. You would have been so proud of me. I think you would have wanted to scoop me up in your arms and carry me to a place where we could be alone. Making love to you for the rest of the night would have been the perfect ending to the evening. And that is what I dreamed about that night … you and I soaring together on the wings of ecstasy.


Esteban was not pleased with my performance. This morning, he yelled at me and accused me of being wanton and improper. He said that I was seducing the entire audience and now the gentlemen would think I wanted to sleep with them.


I couldn't help but think that he would not have chastised me if you were here. When you are happy, he is happy. He even contemplated sending me away from court to avert a scandal! He doesn't not understand art at all. Maybe when you return, you can explain to him that I was only playing a part and that everyone knew that I was nothing like the character I portrayed. On stage, I was the goddess Diana, not the wife of the Spanish Ambassador.


He also seemed to think that we would be shunned and that he would be ridiculed, but I told him to wait and see what happened that evening at the ball before jumping to conclusions. He was wrong, just as I knew he would be. Nobody treated us like pariahs and no gentlemen propositioned me. But more on the ball later. I am tired and wish to sleep, for I know that I will see you in my dreams. I miss you so much, my love. I am lost without you and fervently pray that all is well with you and that you will come to London soon.


Yours for all eternity,


Edited by Guest
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Up at dawn on the morning of the 26th, Sophia once again sat at her desk to take care of some correspondence while most of the household was still asleep. After writing letters to Lady Alyth and Lord Kingston, she took out a fresh sheet of paper and began to write Juan about the opera.


My dearest love,


I promised to tell you about the ball that I attended last night. Even in a crowd full of people I felt alone because you were not beside me. As I wrote last night, everyone was cordial to us and nobody avoided me because of my performance at the opera. Esteban must have been relieved but I think he was probably angry as well, just because I was right.


Sophia chronicled the ball with the same detail with which she had described the opera, from what she was wearing to the decorations to the people she spoke to and danced with. She left out her stroll to the walled garden with Lord Arundel, still unsure of how she felt about the intriguing Earl and not certain whether she would meet him on the morrow as she had promised.


I kissed a few gentlemen under the mistletoe, and as always, I wished you were there with me. We could have stolen kisses in plain sight and no one would have suspected us of being lovers. I also missed dancing with you. No partner has ever danced with me as splendidly as you do. You must return before the New Years Ball. I will save a dance for you. If it was possible, I would dance with nobody else, but i know that we can only share one or tongues will wag. When it is over, we can dance much more intimately. No one will think it is odd if you stay with us. You and I will have the rest of the night together.


I do hope your business in Italy is concluded soon. My life is so dismal without you. You are every beat of my heart and every breath I take. You are my one true love and I belong to you completely and utterly. I will never regret surrendering my purity to you. It was the best decision I have ever made.


I am yours until the end of time,


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  • 10 months later...

December 30, late afternoon


After her adventure at Westminster, Sophia returned home to bathe and dress for the banquet. She was ready a few hours ahead of time, and decided to write Don Juan about her hopes and concerns for the night ahead.


My Dearest Love,


I am so nervous. Tonight, Esteban and I are hosting a banquet at the Embassy. It is more of an open house than a private party and every noble at court has been invited. This is only the second event where I have served as hostess and I am afraid that I am not ready for it, that something will go wrong that I will not know how to handle.


I know what you would tell me … I will be fine, I will shine and that all my guests will love me. How I pray that is true. By the time you read this, it will all be over and we will both know whether or not the banquet was a success. Maybe I will be lying in your arms reading these letters to you in my bedchamber, adding little anecdotes to make you laugh.


But now, I am paralyzed by anxiety. Soon I will heading to the Embassy to check that the food is ready, that the servants are in place, and that the entertainment has arrived. I know that this banquet is important for Esteban's image as the new Ambassador and I hope that some of the important personages at court decide to attend.


You know what I wish the most? That I will look toward the door and you will be there, surprising us all with your presence. To see you walking toward me with a playful smile on your face will be absolutely delightful. It will be difficult not to rush headlong into your arms, but I will manage to greet you cordially, and perhaps sometime during the course of the evening, we can share a kiss under the mistletoe, a tantalizing taste of what we will do later that night.


You are the reason the banquet is being held. Everything we do here is for you.


I promise that I will not fail you tonight. Everything will go splendidly and the attitude of the English people will slowly change toward Spain. This is but the second step. I will tell you about the first one when I get home tonight. And I will also regale you with everything that happened at the banquet.


Unless my dream comes true and you are there. Then we can reminisce together.


I miss you so much, my love. Please come to me soon.


Always devoted to you,


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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 8 months later...

January 1, very early morning


As usual, Sophia rose just as the muted colors of dawn were dancing through her window. She was still in an excellent mood and her two hours of singing practice was especially enthusiastic. When she was done, she decided to write Don Juan about the ball before she went downstairs to present Esteban with his gift.


~to be filled in after the ball ends ~

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  • 9 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

It was Monday evening in which Esteban presented a letter to his wife, one with the seal of her lover.  It had arrived in a diplomatic pouch. Inside the envelope was a note and a small silver key.


The note read:



I am but a hollow shell without your presence beside me.  It casts me to the very brink of despair to not be able to join you in London for the holiday.  Yet, as you must suspect, matters of urgency have required my presence in Madrid.  Fear not for my safety, for my enemies cower with my coming.  The thought of you joining me in Madrid shortly give me the fortitude and strength to overcome any challenge.

I dare not entrust your gift to the courier, so I send you this key.  When you arrive in Madrid, I will show you the case that the enclosed key will open.  Until then, my dearest nightingale, accept my love for the holidays and to keep you warm until we are reunited.


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  • 2 months later...

Usually, Sophia was careful about opening envelopes, but when Esteban gave her a letter with Juan's seal on it, she tore it open eagerly. Something fell out and clattered to the floor … a little silver key that she retrieved and placed upon a table.


Her heart leapt in joy as she read his words of love. Though it distressed her that he felt so bereft without her, she was pleased that he missed her so much. She had been suspicious that he had taken lovers in her absence, but now those fears were eclipsed by guilt that she had cheated on him. Never again, she vowed, I will tell Henry tomorrow that I can't see him anymore.


The key intrigued her. Picking it up, she watched it gleam in the muted candlelight. What did Juan have for her, she wondered? She could hardly wait for him to show her. Most of all, though, she looked forward to being back in his arms, for it was with him that she truly belonged.


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  • 1 year later...

April 7, evening

Sophia had been hoping for a letter from Juan expressing his elation over her pregnancy, which was why she had not yet written him about the concert.  She wasn't even certain if Esteban had written him about it yet.  And so, before going to bed, she sat down at her desk to tell him of her triumph.

to be filled out after concert ends

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