Bath Time Conversation [CD] Late Evening, Friday 16th

[Charles Blount]

Bath Time Conversation [CD]

Late Evening, Friday 16th

 

Unlike many positions at Court the duties of the Mistress of the Robes was not a sinecure and required long and constant attendance on the Queen. Therefore, whenever he could, Charles tried to spend a little time with his wife in the evenings before she retired to bed. Oft times he would send away her maid and brush her hair himself as they spoke candidly about whatever crossed their minds. He found the action of brushing Ursula’s hair calming as it was much more fine and sensuous to that of his horse. She seemed to like it as well.

This evening however Ursula decided she wished to relax with a hot bath so the servants had set up a large copper tub behind a screen in her bedroom and trudged up  bucket after bucket of hot water. Charles was on the other side of that screen reclining on a settee and commenting upon various subjects that he though might be of interest to her interrupted every once in awhile by a splash or a murmured ‘you do not say.’  

The subject of the newly minted Kingston could not fail to come up. Last season Ursula was a trifle wary when Kingston, seemingly at the King’s behest, began paying attention to the Queen’s Ladies in Waiting suspecting, with some justification, that the King might be, as Ursula put it ‘Poaching in areas where he should not.’   Thrilled that she had used a hunting term, Charles had sought out the then Baron and discovered that there was noting nefarious to worry about but the rising star had remained a topic of conversation between them. Ursula was in fact to only person he had discussed his speculation’s regarding Kingston’s suspected heritage.

Shuffling through some of the more disrespectful broadsheets Charles provided a synopsis for his aquatic spouse. “This one rather unimaginably accuses him of being in the pay of the Dutch and this other of the French. I say he would certainly be clever if he could do both but really that is a rather trite accusation. Here is one that is amusing. They say he has not married because he is a homosexual.” He though he had better explain for the benefit of his wife. “You see my dear a homosexual is…”

“What?...”

“You say you know what a homosexual is?” he said with some surprise. “I must say Madam that the depths of your knowledge is quite comprehensive to say the least. You must have had very liberal tutors. Well, to get back to the accusation at hand, that at least is somewhat plausible.”

“Yes, my Dear I do agree that he is an exceptionally pretty man. His hair is almost as fine as yours.”

A splash was heard and Charles had been married long enough to realize the imminent peril he was in and hastily added.

“I said almost Dearest!”

“Now that is utterly unjust Madam, I must protest, it was you who said he was an exceptionally pretty man. I simply agreed. I assure you my Sweet that I find you eminently more attractive than Lord Kingston.”

No further splashes were heard so he felt it was safe to go on. “Well…to continue, his comeliness aside, he stans accused of corrupting Buckingham.” He snorted. “As if Buckingham required any encouragement for corruption. Is it not amusing that someone would think that of Buckingham?”

He thumped his papers down and replied with some agitation. “Why no I DO NOT think he is a handsome fellow!”

“I am concerned that your bath water is overly hot and has raised your metabolism to an incongruous state of stimulation.”

“Continuing on.” He continued for these conversations were always conducted in the spirit of spousal equanimity. “Here is a snorter, as the common folks would say. Apparently, Kingston served the Sublime Port as a Janissary! I must say that that is an original accusation. Not quite the thing for an English gentleman to do but one would have to admit it would be a dashing escapade. I think of all the accusations levied forth; I am prepared to believe this one.”

Edited December 22, 2022 by Charles Blount