Love & Marriage Betrothal & Wedding

[Raconteur]

With all the talk regarding Duncan and who he should marry how the topic was viewed and what we expected from it might be a helpful bit of information

Love and Marriage 

It is generally considered foolish to marry for love, although love may occur in a marriage.

Your parents and friends are better equipped than you are to look out for your best interests, being mature and experienced in the world. Let them negotiate and recommend and you're much more likely to be happy in marriage. Just because your marriage is arranged doesn't mean you've never met the other person. Except among the lofty nobility, most people arrange their children's marriages with the children of neighbors and friends. The lower on the social scale you are, the more likely you are to have a choice in the matter. There are of course exemplary as well as disastrous love matches and even the rare successful love match.

Everyone wants (and expects) to have children.

Children are the property of their parents, and give them the respect a servant gives his master. Or else.

Wives are the property of husbands. See above admonition.

Some women are more independent than others, and some fear marriage. However, every woman expects to be married, and to depend on her male relatives throughout her life. Of course, not everyone is in a hurry to get married, but marriage means being in charge of your own home after all so remember that. Women who might have gone into convents no longer have that option, and must either marry or be a burden to their families.

Widows can own property and run their own business. A widow is entitled to 1/3 of her husband's estate (after the bills are paid), if he has heirs. All of it if he does not. This 'widows third" is separate from, and in addition to her jointure. It is considered a good idea to re-marry to protect ones' interests, however, and the interests of minor children. Since there are tedious problems to do with whether a woman's word or signature is legally binding, she really must have a husband. If she doesn't, her friends will worry about her being taken advantage of by sharp servants. This worry increases if she wants to marry one of them.

In general, every man wants to marry too, or at least acknowledges that he must. If he is not noble, he must be married to become legal head of a household and eligible to hold public or ecclesiastical office and other positions of civic responsibility. When he is widowed, a man also looks to remarry, especially if he has children. The traditional waiting period is a months mind. To marry again after a month is not considered hasty. He will need a mother figure if he has children and someone to see to their proper upbringing and teachings as well as run his household.

Betrothal & Marriage 

With parental permission, boys are legal to marry at 14, girls at 12, although it is not recommended so early. In non-noble families, the most common age for marriage is 25-26 for men, about 23 for women. This is because it's best to wait until you can afford a home and children. Also, most apprenticeships don't end until the mid 20s.  Noble families may arrange marriage much earlier. There are some cases where girls as young as 7 marry but that is extraordinary. When the participants are very young, it is principally to secure dynastic alliances. They generally do not live together as man and wife (by any definition). Often the bride may go to live with the groom's family to be brought up in domestic management by her mother-in-law.

Marriage is a contract that begins with a betrothal. At a betrothal, the two people join hands. He gives her a ring to be worn on the right hand. It changes to the left after the wedding. They seal the contract with a kiss, and signatures. A marriage contract includes provisions both for the bride's dowry and her jointure or settlement, in cash and property by the husband's family, which guarantees her welfare should her husband die first. If he breaks the marriage contract without just cause, he has to give back any token and gifts he has received.

Betrothals are terminated by mutual consent. In certain circumstances, one can withdraw unilaterally if a long separation has occurred between them, or if there is other issue:

* Guilty of heresy or apostasy (conversion or re-conversion to Rome)

* Guilty of infidelity

* Seriously disfigured

*Proved to be previously (and still) married or contracted to marry

* Guilty of wickedness or drunkenness

A proper wedding is based on three things: consent, exchange of tokens (such as the ring) and consummation. It can be annulled only if it not consummated.

It is luckiest to have the wedding in the morning.

Bridesmaids (her personal attendants hence the name as in the brides maids) see to floral decorations, make little flower bouquets as favors for the guests, and make the garland. The wedding garland should be rosemary and roses. Rosemary represents love and fidelity. The brides carries her garland till after the ceremony then wears it on her head. The father of the bride usually pays for the festivities, including favors or small gifts to everyone. Common gifts include ribbons, gloves, and scarves. One such father gave away 100 pairs of gloves when his daughter was married in 1677.

The brides takes her husband's family name on the marriage.

If she has married a Peer (Baron and above) then she will refer to herself and be known by his territorial title NOT his family surname.

 Examples being

George Hardwick is referred to as Chichester as that is his title as in Earl of, so his wife would call herself Lady Caroline Chichester not Lady Caroline Hardwick. 

Charles Whitehurst is referred to as Langdon as in Earl of as that is his title. So if he marries Susan Herbert she would be known as Lady Susan Langdon not Lady Susan Whitehurst.

Both husband and wife will refer to themselves by that title in their writings so signatures would be "Lord Chichester" or "Lord Langdon" "Lady Chichester" "Lady Langdon".

Forms of Address 

George Hardwick the Earl of Chichester can be called

      Lord Chichester

       but NOT Lord Hardwick

       and NOT Lord George.

The same applies to Charles Whitehurst.